Scarspeech

Scars tell stories: this everyone knows. But what we tend to forget is that these stories could move in surprising directions, and their conclusions, rather different from the way you expect.

Consider the case of Vivek Shobhan, for instance. There are three scars on his body which together tell you a tale that at the very least would amuse you or maybe even alarm you. There are, in fact, a few more scars on the 30 year old’s body at this point of time- more than could be expected to be found on an average 30 year old. However, these other scars are irrelevant for the time being, and too many scars, or too many voices in a story only contribute to the creation of cacophony.

So, not lending our attention to those scars that are not central to the tale in question, let us examine the trinity of scars which speak about the downfall of a man whom if you came across, you would  only assume was an ordinary Joe trying to create as many extra-ordinary moments in his life, as possible.

In other words, somewhat like you.

Scar no: 1

Scar number one is reddish-black in colour. The size of a small coin, it’s to be found just above the left nipple on Vivek’s pale skinned body. The fact that he hits the gym every day- or at least, he used to, means that you wouldn’t exactly be hard pressed to find well developed muscles on his body. However, notwithstanding the taut muscles and a general inclination to withstand pain which passionate gym goers develop, the incident which resulted in the scar formation did come across as rather painful for Vivek.

Vivek’s evenings after work are usually made of hours spent with one of his girlfriends- either on the phone or in person. Some days, he would be too tired after a long day at the office to have the presence of mind to come up with platitudes and silly nothings to help lead things from a pub or an ice cream parlour to the bed. On such evenings, he would just go straight home- to his 2500 sq.ft. 3 bedroom apartment in Kormangala that comes with a balcony that overlooks a pool in the backyard. The pool- shaped more or less like a woman’s napkin, wasn’t large. But then, Vivek doesn’t know how to swim, though he did enjoy watching one of his girls wade through the water in a bikini- or sometimes naked as on the day they were born-whenever he brought them over.

On evenings when his head still throbbed with the pain of having to handle multiple irate clients who thought it their birth right to vent their frustration at life at some poor call centre employee, he would just sit on the balcony of his rented apartment (which ate into almost half of his monthly salary). On such evenings, with a dreamy look in his eyes, he would gaze upon the water in the pool, conjuring up shapes and fantasies of women and money- the water’s reflection could make surprisingly convincing contours of women. He would lose himself in these dreamscapes while drinking premium whiskey(He had a fetish for Indian malts).

In other words, a few rather pleasant evenings.

But not so the evening when someone snuffed out a cigarette butt on his chest.

**

That evening he came home, after a short halt at the liquor mart on his way from the office. Opening the front door with his key, he got in and sighed- a sigh of relief which he gave every day when his eyes fell on the thick Persian carpet and the different pieces of furniture in the living room the kind of which an average person- including Vivek’s mother and sister back in Sri Lanka would only ever see in a furniture expo(In the section which they would demarcate in their mind as ‘Too fancy for us!’). Every piece of furniture and utensil in the house(except for the plasma TV and the wicker chair in the bedroom) belonged to the owner of the house who lived abroad, and was included in the rent.

Vivek couldn’t help but be consciously grateful for the rather luxurious inner surroundings of this house where he has been living for the past two years- this luxury was a far cry from the mundane environs of the house in Sri Lanka where he grew up- a house his father built over the years with the cash he amassed as a clerk in the Government’s vehicle department. It was only ironic that one room in the house was given as ‘home stay’ for the tourists who visited Lanka- the room, or the house in its entirety didn’t exactly make for the most pleasant of habitats for visiting tourists.

Pouring a drink, he drained it in one gulp. The day has been particularly punishing- not only did he have to deal with two irate customers on his juniors’ behalf, it was also the day when he had to make a monthly report to his boss- a gentleman with an extra-ordinary capacity to remain angry at the same thing for a long time- like, for instance, the shoddy performance of someone in Vivek’s team.

As a team leader, it was Vivek’s duty to handle such matters but it never ceased to amuse him thinking about how worked up people could get when discussing such things as the value of a dobberman’s tooth cavity(Vivek’s team worked for a client in the US that sold pet insurance).

“Silly fuck!” he muttered, thinking about the events of the work day as he poured another drink.

It was while walking with the second drink in hand, towards the door of his bedroom that he sensed that something was amiss. Being proud of the rented luxury of his life, he was only too familiar with the different contours and edges that made up the different luxury items in the home- and if a single painting by the stairs was tilted even a little, if the lampshade was lowered a notch more than usual, or if a flower was missing from the antique vase, he would register the fact, if not consciously, at least subliminally.

This, his subconscious told him, was a case of an addition rather than something being removed. And this, his ever perceptive subconscious further added was an addition of the animated kind- as in, whatever was extra was alive, breathing, biological.

As it turned out, the biological presence was a man. Even though the man was sitting, Vivek could see that he was easily twice his size and at least a head taller than him. Dark skinned with pockmarks, the man’s wasn’t the kind of face one would generally wish to see in the course of a normal day.

And if you see it, you are not bound to forget it any time soon either.

Vivek gulped seeing how calm and relaxed the man looked, sitting there on the far end of the white sofa- the one adjacent to the television, tapping his fingers soundlessly on the armrest. He even had a thin smile on his face. The hair on his head was fast thinning, which made it hard to estimate his age c but if Vivek had to guess, he would say the man was the right age to be in the business of putting the fear in others.

“It’s a nice place you have here. But somehow you wouldn’t think it would be this nice, looking from the outside.” The man’s voice was as raspy as his face looked ugly. “Why don’t you take a seat here?” he said, pointing to the single sofa beside him.

By all reckoning, it could be seen as a funny scene- a stranger asking the man of the house to take a seat. But Vivek didn’t find it remotely funny, for even though he has never seen the stranger before, he knew only too well who it was- a man sent by Rajkumar.

And that knowledge was enough to send a shiver down his spine.

“I can see that you have good taste in living spaces,” the man said after lighting a cigarette. “I have been sitting here for a while waiting for you to come in. Usually, in such situations I would feel thoroughly bored. But not here- here, I felt downright enthralled-by many things, like that black sculpture of a dancing woman on that table in the corner, or the ornate hangings on the wall- I don’t even know what they are called.” Taking a long drag from his cigarette, he continued, “Please don’t think that I am a fan of such fine articles. Oh, no, I don’t give a shit about such things as beauty- except if it’s in women.” He winked before adding, “I am just enthralled by the fact that one could surround one with a flower vase that probably costs more than what I would make in a single month. And I am particularly fascinated by the fact that the person who has these things is someone like you- someone who showed the temerity to steal from Raj anna!” He raised a hand, halting Vivek from uttering the words of protest he intended to. “I was just enthralled by the fact that a lowlife like you could be surrounded by such fine artefacts. Sure, I too am a lowlife, I don’t deny it. But you- you have a pretension.” The man moved closer to Vivek so that their faces were now divided by mere centimeters of space. “You pretend to be a good boy when you do all these bad,bad things..And you know what Rajkumar anna does to bad boys?”

The man waited for an answer, blowing smoke right into Vivek’s face. “I…I don’t know!,” Vivek managed to say, overcoming the fear which suddenly had him like an iron clasp on his balls.

“And you wouldn’t want to know either,” said the man. And just like that, he stuffed the cigarette out on Vivek’s chest, piercing the Van Huesen Silk shirt with the glowing tip, making his skin burn, making him grunt, a scream rising at the back of his throat, making him lose his grip on the glass which slipped from his hand, spilling whiskey on the carpet.

“Two weeks,” the man continued using the same slow drawl in which he spoke so far. But now, somehow, the tone came across as more menacing. “That’s all the time you are going to get to bring whatever money you stole back to Raj anna. And don’t think that your partner in crime is going to help you in this. He is no more in a position to help,” he added.

If the fear that rose in Vivek’s brain since the man’s appearance was a reddish glow, hearing what the man said last, the hue brightened all the way to the dark crimson of blood.

There were a few questions that had occurred to him before- including how the man managed to get in without disturbing the front lock or tripping the alarm system.

But all those questions seemed like a moot point when the man left, leaving a coin sized wound on his chest and the acrid stench of cheap cigarette in his nostrils.

**

If Vivek had needed a confirmation that the man who made a surprise visit to his home the other night wasn’t fooling around, he got it the very next day at work.

“Has Thushar turned up yet?” he kept asking someone every hour or so, until in the afternoon, as he was coming back from lunch, someone informed him that they found Thushar’s dead body in his apartment. “He hung himself from the ceiling,” said someone. “Apparently, they haven’t found any suicide note but the police suspects it was a case of love failure,” said another.

Vivek barely heard such things- not even when they were spoken in his earshot. He was thinking of what the stranger said yesterday, and also what the stranger- or someone else associated with Rajkumar could do to him. After all, Thushar was Rajkumar Yedyurappa’s nephew. And if the man could do away with one of his relations so easily, what could he not do with Vivek- just a guy who was his nephew’s colleague?

Scar number 2

By the time Thushar joined the BPO, Vivek has already climbed the ladder to become a team leader.

Thushar headed another team and keeping to the hierarchy, they became close friends soon enough. It was only when their friendship progressed beyond the stage of sharing joints to sharing women that Thushar told him that he was the nephew of Rajkumar Yedyurappa- the businessman whom everyone knew had interests that spread beyond the legit.

“One of uncle’s pet operations is converting black money to white money. For this, he runs quite a number of shell companies, in many parts of the country but mostly in Karnataka and Kolkata. They, I believe could use someone like you,” Thushar told Vivek.

They were sitting in Vivek’s balcony which overlooked the pool, while a hired escort sucked each of them off in turns.

“Listen, you have told me how frustrated you are with the limited prospect of growth that working in a BPO brings you. I know that you are someone with an eye for the finer things in life. Now, let me introduce you to my uncle and you would see a finer future becoming clearer, as clear as the water in that pool,” Thushar had said to him long after the escort had left, and a full moon, pock-marked and looking fragile was up in the sky.

The idea of a more prosperous future did strike his fancy. But that wasn’t the sole reason why he agreed when Thushar proposed introducing him to his uncle.

There was also his mother and sister to think about. After his father died, his mother had to struggle quite a bit to bring up both her children. And if that sounds like a cliché from an old movie, that’s because certain truths that persist in society have a way of ending up becoming a cliché.

But that doesn’t take the sting out from the struggles which one endure. Thushar’s sister, Vaishali was doing her BA in English at the time. She hoped to become a school teacher. As for his mother, she had given up the work at the prawns factory as a clerk now that Vivek has started sending money regularly.

But the money that he managed to save after spending on women, booze and the weekend escapades with the women to any of his favorite resorts was rarely enough to take care of things comfortably back home. This he knew, but goddamned if he had done anything about it!

The feel of a mouth wrapped around your cock was sometimes sensual enough to make one forget about such tiny details as a mother and sister back home.

‘Now, if the deal with Rajkumar Yedyiurappa came through, I might be able to do something about the affairs at home,’thought Vivek.

So it was that, one warm afternoon , he found himself sitting with Thushar at a roadside Punjabi dhaba on his way back from meeting Thushar’s uncle- a pleasant faced man with a long forehead and gleaming skin. Seeing the 48 year old who always wore a white shirt and pants, you would be hard pressed to believe  that such a decent looking gentlemen could be involved in such things as money laundering and illicit diamond mining.

“The deal is simple,” said Thushar, after taking a sip of the cold lassi which the waiter just served him(Vivek, being someone with continental leanings had ordered a Pepsi). “The shell companies need runners-people who can move money-physical money-from one location to another. Yes, so.. the runners. Now, it may sound very simple-have someone who can transport cash, but we are talking about significant amounts of money here. Lakhs, that is. So they need people whom they can trust. And they need people whom the cops won’t bother checking when they are crossing a border- so, anyone with a criminal record is out, just to be on the safe side.”

“How do you know I don’t have a criminal record?,” said Vivek jokingly.

“Let’s just say when Raj uncle wants to know something, he gets to know it,” Thushar said with a straight face which wiped the smile right off Vivek’s face.

“For every run that you do,” continued Thushar, “You get a percentage. A good percentage- I will see to that!”

The words he said and how happily Thushar smiled when he agreed to his proposal that day at the dhaba, remained fresh in Vivek’s mind. Indeed, the memories of the day ran through his mind like a spool as he stood in front of the bathroom mirror, twisting his body around in an uncomfortable manner, just so he could see how much the scar on his back has healed.

This scar, on his back was close to his left shoulder and the wound that put it there was not nearly as pain inducing as the one on his chest. On the contrary, he was barely aware of the pain at the time Rochelle broke his skin with her long nails, while she grinded her hairy vagina against the base of his penis.

But the problem was that it was quite evident that the scar was a love-scar: something that his other girlfriends may not find all that cute when they see him naked next- assuming that they would get the chance to see him again-naked or otherwise, assuming that his ploy with Rochelle would work, thereby giving Rajkumar no reason to send him to the after-life.

In the mirror, he saw that the scar had turned purple, like some sort of poison was pumped into a pouch of skin.

“Shit!” he muttered. Taking a deep breath, thinking how a love mark was the least of his worries at the moment, Vivek turned the light off and exited the bathroom.

**

Though he went to bed with an intent to sleep, his mind kept drifting back to the previous night when Rochelle was here, on this same bed which was fast becoming drenched with his own sweat- the liquid beads of fear.

Though he had known Rochelle for about eight months, it was only the third time that she had come to his place. And unlike most of the other girls in the long list of girlfriends he has had(the first one was the teacher at a computer training institute in Colombo where he attended for a certificate course back when he was just eighteen), his first meeting with Rochelle was something that he knew he would never forget: because it was the only time a girl had approached him, instead of the other way around.

In fact, Rochelle had eyed him, unbeknownst to him, on the weekend before their first meeting.

Vivek had gone to the Social pub in Church Street precisely because they always played their music loud, and, they attracted a very young crowd- you would be hard pressed to find anyone above the age of 35 on a Saturday night. Vivek hoped that the combination of loud music and the presence of chilled out youth(not to mention some chilled beer) would placate his girlfriend when he told her that they must break up.

“I am so sorry. It’s just that there are a bazillion things going on at work and I just can’t stay committed to both work and you. I mean, I don’t want to give you anything lesser than my everything, and when I can’t do that…I don’t want to see you hurt, you see?” Even as he said it, he knew how lame it sounded. However, after downing the eighth pint of the night, he was gone far enough to not care about such things too much.

But the girl- an oval faced beauty with a black spot on her cheek,  though inebriated, didn’t find what he said the least bit amusing.

“You jerk!” she shouted and poured what was left in her glass of beer on his face before walking out like a storm-filled dark cloud retreating into the horizon.

The scenario was one of the extreme possibilities which Vivek had envisioned while driving over to the pub. ‘Even if it happened, the young people in the pub wouldn’t give it much mind- after all, these things happen in their lives frequently enough!’ he had told himself.

Either he grossly over-estimated such things happening in young people’s lives or the young people were more interested in spectacles than he thought, the crowd in the pub stared as one when the girl poured the beer on the man’s face. One of them- a goateed dude who grinned like a goat- even shouted, “Hey, gal! That’s good beer, don’t waste it!”

One of the youngsters who kept her gaze on the man who literally dripped beer was Rochelle.

Unable to find a table, she and her friend had taken seats at the bar counter. Sipping on her beer, Rochelle calmly apprehended the man who has just been humiliated. His muscles strained under the silk shirt that he wore. His dark brown eyes had an intensity which showed that notwithstanding getting alcohol poured on his head by girls who were pissed at him, an intelligent soul resided behind the forehead. His jet black hair was neatly combed to one side- like he were one of the impeccably neat gangsters you see in old films, and his face had sharp features like chiseled chin and neatly carved cheekbones- the kind of features which completed the illusion of a gangster.

Rochelle estimated him to be in his early thirties.

That put him a little higher above the usual age bracket of the men whom she preferred.

At the age of 24, Rochelle had developed a well-defined template for the kind of men she liked to lay- they should be physically lean but not too masculine(she didn’t like the idea of her sex partner being physically way more powerful than her), they should have a somewhat vacant look in their eyes(she didn’t want them to be more intelligent than her) and they should also be in the age bracket of 20 to 27(Who wanted to screw old men anyway?-and in her book, anyone above 27 was old). Then, there was also the fact that she turned down anyone who approached her rather than the other way around(Her theory was that if a man made the first move, he would be hard to subjugate in bed)

Keeping to this criterion has enabled her to have some fantastic experiences in the past one year which she spent travelling the world- a ‘project’ that was funded by her businessman father and fueled by her thirst to find fun in the world on her own.  Growing up the only child to her wealthy father and a mother who went to literally any length to spoil her, she grew up believing in the power of the female.

And when she encountered the word feminism for the first time in an entertainment news channel, she knew that she would always be a feminist- right until the day she died.

Ideas like never allowing a man to subjugate her on bed quickly got linked to her concept of feminism.

The man who sat in the red cushioned seat at a table by the window, his cheeks reddened as he felt the eyes of strangers on him at his moment of embarrassment didn’t exactly fit her criterion for man-hunting. For one thing, his muscles were too well defined for him not to be rather powerful, then there was the matter of age, not to mention the obvious intelligence which lurked behind those eyes.

But after amassing the wealth of travel experiences over an year in places including Bali, Paris and Amsterdam, Rochelle was ready to expand her definition of feminism. Since returning from the trip, she has wondered on multiple occasions- usually in the night, lying in her bed, gently teasing her clitoris with a fingertip, how it would feel like to make a conquest of a better man- an intelligent and more masculine one than the ones whom she usually approaches.

“Rochelle, what’s up?” Her friend’s voice broke her reverie. Shaking her head, she ordered another couple of beers for herself and Clara. Clara was her best friend whom she has known since they were mere toddlers. She was the only person to whom she spoke of her ‘conquests’ openly. But for some reason, she didn’t speak to her about how a heat rose in her loins when she thought about the guy who has just been humiliated by a girl.

Not yet, she thought.

**

The next weekend, Rochelle went out with Clara to the Social pub at Kormangala. Social was one of the few pub chains in Bangalore which could boast a dedicated clientele- their savvy interiors, good selection of music and food that’s actually worth the bill were all things that gave them an edge over most other city pubs.

The man she saw last weekend had looked like a regular- there was a certain familiarity with which he moved around the place that she had noticed. As a frequent pub hopper herself, she knew how certain watering holes could make you feel like you were home- the turns and corners and the ambience all too familiar and comforting. But she didn’t think that the man would return to the place of his humiliation- the Social pub in Church Street the very next weekend.

But he may very well be in a different location of his favorite pub- assuming it is his favourite pub.

“And if he is here with another girl, then I am gonna let him go. But if his company is other male friends or his own lonely self, I am gonna make my move,” Rochelle said to Clara as they sat sipping beer and munching some French fries.

About an hour after they came in, Rochelle sighted Vivek walking into the pub. He was on his own and took a seat by himself. She gave him some half an hour before making her move.

Two days later, she found herself in his bed.

But things didn’t work out as she hoped. He wasn’t willing to subjugate himself, not even when she told him that the pleasure she could give him if only he would let her tie him to the bed posts would be “fantasy made reality.” But to her liking, he didn’t try to force him too much on her either.

But that wasn’t the kind of liking that she was after.

They met a few times after that- mainly in ice cream parlours(she had a fetish for black currant ice creams) before he took him to his place again. Many times, when she made a suggestion about going to his place, he resisted, giving her some excuse which even the dumbest person on earth would know was made up on the spot. And Rochelle certainly wasn’t the dumbest person around. Nonetheless, his resistance only made her yearn for him more.

When the conquest came, she thought, it would be that much sweeter.

The second time in bed with him didn’t bring her the conquest either- not even close, in fact. After making love, she lied cradled in his arm, running a lazy finger along the side of his limp(but still sizable) dick.

“Why was it that that girl walked out on you like that that night at the pub? Was it because you declined to be subdued by her?” she said, teasing him because he failed to comply with her wish to tie him up this night as well. She now playfully tied the satin cloth around his hardening penis.

“No, she was a girl who was turning out to be too much for me. She had a thing for the finer things in life-she was, after all, the daughter of a cruise ship captain-so I guess, I should have expected such things..To put it very simply, she was becoming just too expensive for me!” With anyone else, Vivek wouldn’t have been this candid. But with Rochelle, he didn’t mind. In fact, he hoped that such candid expose would make her distance herself from him, thinking him to be cheap.

At first, he was fascinated by this young woman who so boldly approached him at the pub and in mere two meetings made it clear that she would like to sleep with him. However, it didn’t take him long to figure out that she was the domineering type- out looking for a thrilling experience at his expense.

He wouldn’t have mind it too much- after all, a fuck is a fuck.

But the problem was that she tried to have the upper hand not only on bed, but even when it comes to the simplest of things- like choosing which restaurant they should go for dinner.

As a lifelong womanizer, Vivek was used to girls who grew up getting their way. Like Rochelle, whose father, upon her demand even opened a global-standard salon in Kormangala for her, just because she didn’t want to get into any conventional job and wanted to be her own boss.

However, the level of control that she tried to exert on him verged on the pathological-  if he were to bring her flowers, she would ‘hint’ at the best place to get flowers for her, down to the type of flower and colour. When they went trekking, she picked the spot, the time of day, the day, the colour of the trainers he should wear and the kind of lunch they should pack.

As someone who made frequent conquests of girls himself, he wasn’t entirely comfortable in a relationship where the balance of power shifted away from him.

But when he told her about how a certain girlfriend turned out to be too expensive for him and so he had to dump her, Rochelle just giggled, her plump breasts jiggling like silent bells.

“You are a naughty one, aren’t you?” she said, tapping on his nose .

After that night, he tried to avoid her by all means, deliberately failing to call her back when she leaves a message on his phone(“I miss you.”, “The rain reminds me of you! Or the drops of sweat falling from your body J”). On a couple of occasions he even cancelled a date at the last moment, making excuses that were barely more than mumbled incoherencies.

But, to his surprise and dismay, she always sought him, calling him time after time and making one dinner or trekking plan after the other. At the back of his mind, he was aware that perhaps even unbeknownst to her, she was falling in love with him.

But the realization didn’t please him much. On the contrary, whenever they met for a dinner or a scoop of ice cream, he was almost always absent minded.

But that was not just because of his disinterest in the girl, it was also because of something that his colleague and friend Thushar told him the other day.

It was lunch break and the two friends were at a Chinese restaurant near their office- the one with the giant dragon’s painting out front- the dragon’s face looked a bit like that of a parrot’s, in Thushar’s view.

“I wanted to talk to you about something very serious,” Thushar had said, the lone noodle hanging from the edge of his mouth undermining his attempt at seriousness. Nonetheless, Vivek listened carefully: Ever since he started earning some extra income which far surpassed the salary he got from his daily work at the BPO, Vivek tended to listen closely to his friend whenever he thought he was being serious.

He listened as Thushar spoke in hushed tones about a way to get even more money out of the deal with Rajkumar Yedyurappa. “Instead of giving all the money that you carry to the intended- the second party, you keep a portion to yourself, telling the intended that you know someone through whom you can roll the portion of money and get an exorbitantly high interest in return. A part of this extra profit would go to the second party, in return they should inform Rajkumar that they have got the full amount from you. There will be at the most a month’s delay before you would give them the money you kept back, plus part of the interest that you made on it!”After speaking, Thushar grinned like a champion at the end of a sprint and leaned back in his chair, smacking his lips, savouring the taste of the noodle soup still fresh on his tongue.

“But would anyone trust us if we told them that?” said Vivek, chewing on a chicken piece contemplatively.

Thushar told him that he has already got some shell companies who were willing to try that. In fact, he said, he has already done a few gigs on his own. Having Vivek on board would only broaden the operation.

The more Thushar spoke, the more it made sense to Vivek.

When ma called last week, she has told him about a good proposal which his sister has attracted. The boy was a senior software programmer with a leading technology company in Colomobo. As per ma, the boy’s family is wealthier and better-placed than themselves. “It’s sheer luck that Vaishali has attracted such a proposal!” she has said.

Vivek too thought so, and when he talked with his sister, she too sounded delighted about the proposal. She even talked with the boy a couple of times, she said. “He came across as a nice chap,” she said in an off-handed manner though the shy delight in her tone wasn’t lost on her brother.

The dowry and the money for the wedding itself..these were things that have been nagging him ever since.

Given such a backdrop, perhaps  it’s obvious why what Thushar said made sense to him.

And the operations went smoothly until Vivek started delaying in giving the second parties involved the money that he promised. He had in fact sent the money back home once Vaishali’s wedding was arranged. In other words, he double crossed even Thushar and went behind his back to send the money home.

“But you told me that you have given the money to the dealers so that they could get you the bloody interest!” Thushar fumed when he came to know about the betrayal.

“I am sorry. I told you about Vaishali’s wedding, right? Some unforeseen things came up which couldn’t wait, and so I had to send money home. I promise I would give you- them- the money back as soon as I have it!” Vivek said, trying his best to keep the nervousness out of his voice.

“And where do you suppose are you going to get the money from?!” shouted Thushar. Vivek din’t have an immediate answer to that, not anything better than, “I would think about it!” But before he could say anything, Thushar added, “And do you have any idea what would happen to us if Raj uncle comes to know about this? The man is my uncle but he is a complete beast, you should know!”

If Vivek wasn’t convinced of that idea then, he certainly was when two days later, the stranger appeared at his home- as though he were a ghost who could walk through walls. And when the day after that he learned that Thushar was dead, he knew that his time on earth was very limited.

Unless Rochelle helped.

**

Once the clock started ticking towards the two week deadline that Rajkumar’s man had  given him, Vivek’s brain got into overdrive, thinking up possible ways out. He sought the help of a couple of his ‘friends’ whom he had thought ‘dependable’ but who turned out to be not so in the circumstances.

He decided that the only way left was to play his cards with Rochelle.

He called her up one late night- she has told him that she went to sleep always late, watching Netflix episodes to the wee hours of the morning. She picked the call on the second ring. She sounded breathless as though she was in the middle of running.

‘Fucking vamp!’ he thought. ‘That’s what she is. Breathless with anticipation! Cunt!’ But such thoughts remained in the stratosphere of his brain, never escaping to the outer space of audible reality.

“What are you doing?” he said in his sexiest voice.

After a brief hesitation, she said, “Why don’t you take a guess…On second thoughts, you shouldn’t. I would be thoroughly embarrassed if you got your guess right!” she added coquettishly.

‘Cunt!’ he thought again. But swallowing the word down before it bubbled out of his mouth, he said, “Okay, then. I wouldn’t dare guess. For I wouldn’t want to embarrass you one way or the other. But..I think I would be more than glad to be embarrassed for your sake.”

“What?-“ It took her a moment or two to realize what exactly he meant. And when she did, her eyes widened in a pleasant surprise. “Oh, Vivek, I knew that you would come along!” Making the best out of the situation, Vivek said, “Yes, you know I don’t go for such things normally. But I have been thinking, with you, it’s different, special, because you are special..”

By the time he was done talking, Rochelle’s breathing has become even more rapid.

**

“That was amazing, Vivek. Truly, thank you,” Rochelle said, planting a kiss on his belly. The satin chords with which she had tied his arms to the bedpost lied curled by his hip. The bed and in fact, the entire room’s air was thickened with the smell of sex like a hundred incense burnt at once- assuming the incense gave out a less than usual smell.

“I am glad that you liked it,” said Vivek, flashing his best smile, the one which granted him entry to the hearts, and more importantly, beds of many women. He gently pulled her towards him and kissed her on the lips.

Ruffling his hair playfully she said, “Would you like to have your hair coloured?”

“Not particularly. Why did you ask?”

Shrugging, she said, “Just that I thought it would suit you if you were to dye your hair orange. The staff at my salon would only be too happy to do it for you, you know. And they are the best in the city!”

“That’s what every salon owner says about their staff, I suppose!” he said, smiling, though deep down he was miffed by the fact that she was trying to impose a wish of hers on him again.

“Come on, it’s not like that!” she said, laughing. “My salon is not just another salon. For one thing, it has for its lead hair stylist none less than Prateek Shukla-someone who frequently works in Bollywood films. Then, the equipment, I wouldn’t even know where to begin…Suffice to say that they are the Strar trek equivalent when compared to what most salons have. And you have the wonderful interiors which was done by none lesser than Ashuthosh Kapadia!”

“Ashuthosh who?”

“Oh, Vivek, you don’t keep up with such things, do you? You must! Ashuthosh is one of the leading interior designers working in Indian right now. His clients include the Ambanis and Virat Kohli! He did the interiors for one of the bungalows that belong to my dad’s business partner. That’s how I came to know about him.” Her eyes fluttered when she spoke about Ashuthosh whoever.

“Oh, I am sure he cannot be all that good!,” said Vivek jokingly. “No one is all that good!”

“No, but he is! In fact, even if you don’t get a haircut or a makeover at our personal grooming centre, you would feel like paying just for being in that space for a while. That’s how good he did it!” she said.

Seeing an opening to put across his proposal, Vivek sighed theatrically. “People with a whole lot of money can indulge in such luxuries as hiring an interior designer who is just too good to be true!”

Playfully jabbing his chest with her elbow, she said, “You are not exactly living in a hut yourself!” He looked at her. He realized that he has never told her that his luxury apartment was actually rented.

He sighed again. “No, I am not. But that doesn’t mean I cannot have money issues, does it?”

Frowning slightly, propping her head on her hand, she said, “Why, what happened?”

He wondered if yet another sigh would be too much, but deciding that it would be worth it, he exhaled one more time before talking.

He gave her the story he has rehearsed in his mind many times over. It was about how his father- a businessman based in S.lanka ran into some financial trouble when one of his partners betrayed him. The crisis was so much that now that his sister has got a good wedding proposal, his mother have to sell almost all her ornaments. “This house,” said Vivek, “was brought for me by my father. I told him that we could sell it and I can move into a rented place-maybe even a PG. But he wouldn’t listen. ‘I must do at least this much for you,’ he says.” As much as it was possible, Vivek gave the impression of crying without tears. “But now,” he continued, “Dad needs another 10 lakh rupees for the dowry money, or the wedding wouldn’t happen. I have helped all I could, but that’s not nearly enough..”

He let the words trail off, hoping that she would fill in, with the appropriate sentence- ‘Worry not, I would help,’ or something along those lines.

But Rochelle merely kept ruffling his hair in silence. Indeed, her diligence was such that one might be tempted to think that the simple gesture was all the solution required for the problem at hand.

The next time Vivek sighed, it was in earnest. It was because he was exasperated with her.

“Now that I have brought the topic up,” he said, “I was wondering..wondering if you would be able to help me out? I would, of course repay you the money once I have it. All I need is a little amount of time- a few months, an year at the most.”

She remained silent for a couple of minutes.

“Of course, if you cannot, I can totally understand,” he said. “In fact, now that I have asked you, I feel foolish. I know that running a high end salon would entail a huge expense. And it’s not like you can ask your father for money, just like that!”

She nodded her head thoughtfully. She said, “That’s all true. But that’s not why I was silent. I was just wondering if there was any way I could help you out.” After a brief pause, she added, “Let me get back to you on this.”

Vivek winced when she touched the nail inflicted wound on his back, making her smile.

**

Rajkumar Yedyurappa was seated in a lounge chair in the balcony of his bungalow in Yelahanka. The place was recently built. His plan was to give it to one of his two sons post his death. But for now, he was enjoying the stay in the palatial place,  even though the stay sometimes got a bit lonely- ever since his wife passed away of blood cancer two years ago, it’s been a lonely life for Rajkumar.

The only silver lining that he could see in the cloud of his loneliness was that he could focus better on his business- and there was a lot to focus on when your business enterprises t existed on both sides of the law.

He was drinking a hot cup of green tea(extremely health conscious, Rajkumar avoids alcohol completely), gazing meditatively at a mynah bird perched on the railing of the balcony, wondering if there was a business opportunity involving mynah birds(he was self-conditioned to always think like a businessman) when one of his aides brought him a photograph.

The aide was a young chap who recently joined the task force of Rajkumar- who had a small army of his own. Being a beginner, Rajkumar thought it apt to put him on field work, to keep an eye on Vivek, to be more precise, so that if in case the buffoon did something foolish like leaving the city or something, the plan could be foiled.

In fact, many in his employ thought that the boss was spending too much resources on Vivek’s case. After all, it’s been learned that the man has siphoned just Rs.10 lakh, and what’s ten lakh for Raj anna?

But what Rajkumar didn’t tell them was that it was a matter of pride. The only reason people respected him- aside from his immense wealth, was the iron hand with which he ran things. But once people came to know that someone- that too a young man, a mere nobody managed to double cross him, they would begin to laugh at him.

No, the buffoon must pay him back. He was pretty sure that by orchestrating Thushar’s ‘suicide’ he had sent the message to the buffoon. But it didn’t hurt to have someone on him. Kids these days, thought Rajkumar, you never know what they are gonna do!

But who is this girl in the picture with the buffoon!, he thought. Buffoon though he may be, he has a good eye for the ladyfolks. This one wasn’t exceptionally beautiful but she still had a charming face, a long forehead and pretty eyes, slightly chubby but cute cheeks. The way she kept her face tilted heightened the cuteness.

They were at a restaurant, a lit candle between them. They were gazing at each other’s eyes like two lovers lost, though Rajkumar saw a slight nervousness in the buffoon’s eye- or so he thought.

“When did you take this?” he asked his aide.

“Last night, sir!”

“I hope the buffoon hasn’t forgotten his deadline. He has just under a week now,” remarked Rajkumar. “Or is he foolish enough to give no mind to his own life?”, he added.

**

Vivek hadn’t forgotten his deadline. In fact, as the dreaded day loomed nearer, he could hardly think of anything else, so much so that on the days immediately before D-day, he stayed home calling in sick, afraid that if he were to appear at work in his immensely nervous state, people would just think him weird, or maybe even laugh at him.

What made him even more nervous was the fact that Rochelle didn’t pick his call the last three times he tried to reach her. Time was, he used to avoid her like the plague. Lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling in a half-crazed state of mind he laughed at how things have changed now.

There were just two more days to deadline. He was now convinced that Rochelle wasn’t going to help him out.

Desperately, he called home, hoping that if he could get back at least part of the money he sent his mother, he could buy himself some time.

But he didn’t even have to ask. Before getting to the question, his mother related the information that she has spent a large share of the money. “It’s good that you sent me the money. Otherwise, I don’t know how I could have made all these arrangements. Your maama helped a lot.” The maama she referred to was Vivek’s father’s  younger brother, and the help he rendered was definitely not financial- he was just a small time tailor.

At this moment, Vivek wasn’t interested in hearing about anyone, or anything that didn’t hold the prospect of bringing him some quickly-needed money.

**

The day before the deadline, Vivek woke up earlier than usual and called  his sister. He talked with her longer than usual, was quite pleased hearing the sound of her talking- with happiness at her impending wedding.

After he got off the phone, he had a long hot shower before getting dressed. He was going to try and make it out of Bangalore, leave the city and go lay low somewhere where Rajkumar’s people wouldn’t be able to find him.

He wasn’t sure when he would get to take a hot shower in a bath cubicle next.

While he was buttoning up his shirt, he looked out of the window at the garage and saw his Royal Enfield gleaming in the sunlight. The light was harsh even though it wasn’t yet past 9. He had changed the locks on both the garage door and the front door to his home- in fact, he had put on electronic locks.

When the phone trilled in his pocket, he reached for it in anticipation- hoping that it was Rochelle, calling him at the last moment to inform him that she has got the money.

Looking at his phone’s display, he saw that the call was from an unknown number. “Hello?”

His heart sunk when he heard a man’s voice on the other end. His heart sunk even more when he heard what the man had to say. “Good morning, Vivek!” the man said in a cheerful tone. If his North Kannada slang wasn’t too pronounced, he might have been good at a call centre, thought Vivek. “Hope I didn’t woke you up,” the man continued. “I just called you to remind that the time for you to come and meet Raj annna is tomorrow- between 12 PM and 2 PM. Of course, I needn’t remind you that you shouldn’t go to him empty handed, should I?”

The man gave him a couple of seconds so that he could understand that the question wasn’t rhetorical.

“No,” said Vivek, his voice merely a rasp; his throat felt suddenly parched.

“Good, good, good!” the man exclaimed. “So, Raj anna expects you tomorrow, okay? And oh, before I leave, let me also appreciate you on the new plate.”

“Sorry?”

“The new number plate that you got for your bike the other day,” said the man. “Yes, Hyderali’s place out in JP Nagar is very expensive- imagine anyone else charging you this much for merely a number plate! But they are very good- no one uses better material for a number plate than Hyderalis! Scratches won’t appear so easily and the number will be visible even in low light- pretty classy affair!”

‘How do you know that I went to Hyderalis?’ no sooner had the question appeared in the horizon of his mind than it occurred to him how foolish the question was. Of course, the ugly stranger wasn’t joking when he said that day that Vivek shouldn’t attempt ‘anything foolish.’

His bike met with a minor accident last week, as a result of which the number plate broke. It was while he was on his way to a restaurant the day before yesterday to have lunch that he had the plate changed at Hyderali’s. So, someone- one of Rajkumar’s guys was on him all the time. He found it rather ridiculous that Rajkumar would have someone dedicated on his case like that-after all, all said and done he was just a small time crook.

“So, congratulations, ha,ha,ha!” Without another word, the man cancelled the call.

**

The call from the Man With The Cheerful Tone made Vivek change his itinerary for the day. Letting the bag he had packed for his long ride out of the city lie where it was- on the sofa- he went out to the nearest liquor mart and brought home a full bottle of Chivas Regal. Before starting to drink, he got online and transferred whatever was left in his account to his mother’s bank account. It wasn’t much but he figured it would still do the living some good rather than the dead.

For Vivek, by this point was convinced that he was not going to live to see the light of another day.

His game plan was to down the Chivas and slash his wrist in his tub. He was sure that inebriation wouldn’t be enough of a defense against the pain of slashing your wrist, but on the other hand he was also pretty sure that no matter the depths of pain to which such an act takes him, it would still be vastly better than the heights of suffering to which Rajkumar would subject him when he learns he hasn’t got the money.

Come evening and Vivek was lying submerged in cold water in the tub, only his head above the waterline, a razor held diagonally above his wrist. The razor has been held in that position for quite some time now. In fact, Vivek was quite surprised by how steady his hand was and how sober he felt, considering how he finished a bottle of good whiskey in just under an hour.

Another surprising fact was the level of fear he experienced as the moment came closer to do himself in.

“Fuck! Fuck!Fuck! Fuck!” he shouted eventually, accepting the fact that he was not going to be able to do it, after all. And for good measure, he looked at the empty Chivas bottle that sat smugly on the side of the tub, and uttered another “Fuck!”, the most ferocious of them all. Whether it was because he somehow conferred his inability to confront the pain of slashed wrists to Chivas’ inability to inebriate him enough or becausethe bottle was empty is unsure.

He cried, cried like a baby, his salty tears mingling with the tepid water in the tub as he threw the razor away.

At some point- he wasn’t sure when exactly, he fell asleep. He saw a dream in which two sturdy hands reached down and chocked him. The suffocating sensation became so real that he woke up from his sleep. It took a second or two for him to recollect that he was in the tub-for a second he thought that he had died and gone to the afterlife-and the afterlife was like a liquid filled womb. He also realized that there was a good reason for the suffocating sensation to feel so real- while he was sleeping, his head lolled forward, making his face submerge in water.

There was a trilling sound in his ears as he pulled his face out of the water. He assumed it must have got something to do with the pressure building inside his brain- pressure from the suffocation and also from fear. But as the sound persisted even as he began to calm down(relatively speaking) taking deep and slow breaths just as the yoga teacher at the office said you should do in times of stress, Vivek recognized the trilling sound for what it was.

Dragging himself out of the tub, he walked naked to the bedroom where his iPhone trilled on the bed. He had a hard time focusing his eyes- never underestimate the power of Chivas, he thought- but when the dual images which he saw eventually merged to form a single cohesive picture, he saw the caller id on the phone displaying Rochelle’s name.

“Hello?”, he said, his voice a garbled version of his voice in non-stressed times.

“Are you drunk, Vivek?”

A flood of relief washed through his body upon hearing Rochelle’s voice. For a few seconds he thought that the call might be a practical joke by one of Rajkumar’s men- he has seen enough gangster movies to know that people who walked on the wrong side of the law tend to have a sadistic streak.

“Yeah, Yeah!” he said, not without pleasure in his voice as he sat down on the bed.

“Oh, you poor thing,” cooed Rochelle. “You must be worried sick. I am so sorry that I couldn’t return your calls- I…I just was busy with a lot of things.” After a brief pause she continued, “One of the things that I was busy with was getting your money.”

She gave him the name of a restaurant where  they could meet the next day when she could bring him the money.

“Is 11 in the morning fine with you?,” she said.

Willing himself to keep taking deep breaths and not scream with joy, he said, “Sure. 11 sounds fine.”

**

11 O’clock on a Sunday, you are bound to find most of the bylanes and inner city streets of Bangalore to be relatively empty of traffic.

And so it was the case at the lane in front of the Blue Bells café in Kormangala 5h block, very near to the Apollo Cradle Hospital. The café was Rochelle’s pick to hand over the money. (“I have it all packed in a duffel bag!” she told him on the phone the other day).

As the minute needle on his watch ticked past the 5 minute mark after 11, Vivek began to get nervous. A waitress- a young Nepalese woman awaited his directions, holding a menu in hand. When she approached before, he told her that he was waiting for someone and would order when she was here.

Unamused, he thought how he didn’t even have enough money in his wallet to pay for a coffee.

He sat at one of the tables by the small bougainvillea garden in a corner of the lawn. The only other patrons in the café at the time were two young girls- one with braces on and the other with her hand in a cast, chatting about technology and other girls and boys they know, their voice easily carrying all the way from the other end of the lawn where they sat.

Out of the corner of his eye, Vivek saw the waitress showing signs of impatience- shifting her body weight from one foot to the other. It was almost 11:15 now and Vivek was thinking of giving Rochelle a call when a car came to a halt in front of the café and out stepped Rochelle, in a red turtleneck and white chinos.

Vivek’s heart fluttered seeing the brown and white duffel bag she carried.

“Sorry, I am late,” she said, taking a seat opposite him. “I had to pluck my eyebrows and it took longer than I thought.”

Vivek smiled. He couldn’t help it. He felt relieved at the mundanity of having to wait for his gf- who was busy beautifying herself to turn up for a date.

But this was no ordinary date. This was a date that made the difference between life and death.

Calling up the waitress, Rochelle ordered a lamb and lettuce burger for herself, Vivek just asked for a cold coffee.

“They make the most delicious lamb burgers in the whole of Bangalore!” Rochelle said. “You sure you wouldn’t order one?”

Saying he was sure and dismissing the waitress with a wave of hand, he said to Rochelle, feeling somewhat impatient, “You got all the money?”

Rochelle nodded, beaming a smile at him. Vivek felt that he could reach across and kissed her on the lips right then.

And he would have. Only, before he could do it, she put the duffel bag between them. “It’s all in there.”

“I really don’t know how to thank you for this,” said Vivek. “Seriously, you are a lifesaver!”

Rochelle giggled. “I have been called many sweet names by many people. But this is the first time that someone’s calling me a lifesaver!”

The sluttish insinuation of there being many people to call her sweet names aside, Vivek still felt unbounded gratitude and love for her.

“And as for ways of thanking me,” she continued, “I think I have a few ideas that we can try!” she winked.

After breakfasting, they left- both in their separate ways, she getting in her VW Polo, he hopping on his Royal Enfield- it had a yellow banner with the words “Om Mani Padme Hum” written on it. Before going their separate ways they promised to meet that same night, Vivek would call her some time in the afternoon.

But whereas the VW Polo snaked its way effortlessly through the different bylanes that would take Rochelle back home, the Bullet travelled but two streets away from the Blue Bell café when it was stopped, by an SUV rashly parked across its path. Three men got out of the vehicle, one of whom Vivek recognized to be the ugly one who got into his home two weeks ago.

Between the three men, they delivered countless beatings and punches on Vivek and 12 slashes on his body with sharp utensils the kind of which you probably wouldn’t find in an average household.

Scar no:3

The third scar which would complete the narrative is to be found on Vivek’s forehead- a diagonal slash starting from the edge of his scalp and ending at the upper edge of his nose.

According to doctors, it was the wound on his forehead that was responsible for the debilitating tragedy that struck Vivek- paralyzed from his neck down, he would be confined to bed for the rest of his life.

Vivek would never know the reason why the three men treated him so rashly- after all, he was bringing their boss his money, wasn’t he?

But Rochelle would come to know what went wrong.

What went wrong was that her father’s business partner was Rajkumar Yelahanka, a man who shared business interest with her father in sectors including hospitality and water(her father ran a water bottling unit in Muscat).

And when Rajkumar’s aide one day brought him a picture of Vivek with a girl in a restaurant where they were having candle-lite dinner, he felt the girl to be familiar, though he was unable to place the girl initially- he has seen his business partner’s daughter just once- at the house warming party of his newest bungalow- the one designed by Ashuthosh Kapadia.

But a couple of days after he saw the picture, he got a courtesy call from the interior designer- who kept a good relation with all his clients, and he was congratulating him on the wonderful party he threw for the housewarming. That was when Rajkumar recalled who the girl was.

By the time he informed his business partner, Vivek and his girlfriend were already at the Blue Bell Café. Knowing how Vivek’s mind worked, Rajkumar had a suspicion that he might try to get the money from the girl.

“First the bastard double crossed you and now he is trying to squeeze money off my daughter!” was how Rochelle’s father responded when Rajkumar expressed his suspicion to his business partner.

Vivek remained in the dark about these things even after he was back home in Sri Lanka- unable to move even a finger on his arms, he remained immobile in bed, tended by a teary-eyed mother and sister.

And when Rochelle came over, she too didn’t tell him about her father’s involvement with Rajkumar.

**

Rochelle flew to Sri Lanka with two of her crew members from Rochelle’s Salon.

“I am sure that you would want to look your very best at your sister’s wedding. These guys-my crew- they are some of the best that money can buy. And they can make you look even better than you have ever looked….better even than how you looked before the..before the incident,” said Rochelle. She was sitting by the bed in his home in Sri Lanka. She exclaimed that it’s too hot in Lanka but that she would still manage somehow.

What with the multiple injuries he sustained on his face and other visible parts of his body, Vivek didn’t exactly look like he was apt for the Mr.Handsome title.

“You don’t have to do this,” he said-his voice barely, the result of a wound on his throat that’s yet to heal. He effected a smile on his face. It was all Rochelle could do to keep from crying.

Taking hold of his hand, she said, “It’s the least I can do, dear. It’s the least I can do.”

Turning to his crew members, willing the tears to keep from jumping the prison of her eyes, she ordered, “Now, get to work!”

Voodoo My Way!

“No, son, you don’t do it like that! Voodoo is never used for doing good, you understand? It goes against the very principle of the sacred magic art which has been practiced by our people for generations. You great grandfather practised it, your great-great grandfather practiced it and no matter how many ‘great’ that you prefix, you could be sure that that grandfather practised voodoo. And really efficient they were too, ones who could take hold of a doll and make a man wish he were never born. Just like my father, and at the risk of sounding like bragging- like my own self! For haven’t you heard how everyone in the village praise your father when he helps them in their fight against the neighboring village!” The man’s face, and his eyes lit up with a smile.

“Yes, father,” said the boy though there wasn’t much enthusiasm either in his voice or in his face- as though he didn’t mind if his father were well respected or not.

Caring not about the boy’s bland answering, the man said, “Now, put aside the bad- I mean, good Iyabdoki magic and concentrate on hurting the doll. Now, why don’t you just give the doll a prick right here by the thigh and let’s see how it will work, eh?”

Taking a deep sigh, the boy said, “Okay father.” And taking one of the long pins from among a lot of rusted pins on the table, he plunged it deep into the voodoo doll’s right thigh. It  went so deep that the pin came out the other side of the thigh.

But even then, his father didn’t feel even the tiniest of sting. He had clipped on the doll a piece from an old shirt of his(the same shirt which the housemaid used to clean the floor these days). If the boy were doing the magic properly, he would have gotten hurt.

Not wanting to disappoint his son, he still howled in pain as though he was in a terrible anguish.

Even while howling, he said, “My son, Takarasta, you have hurt me a great deal! Even as a young apprentice you are capable of such extreme magic! So I urge you to keep practicing the dark arts of voodoo and I dare say the sky would be the limit for you!”

If the words were meant as encouragement – and indeed they were, Takaratsta’s response made his father baffled, so much so that he abruptly stopped his howling and looked at his boy with surprise.

With tears in his eyes, Takarasta said, “I hurt father!”

**

Over the  years, Takarasta’s father came to the conclusion that “The darn boy has not even a single drop of evil blood in his body!”

If his wife were alive, he would have said this to her every time after he made love to her, just as once upon a time he used to tell her after an intense love-making session(and theirs were always intense) how they now had a “wonderful son who would carry on my legacy!” However, his wife passed away many years ago, in fact just two years after the birth of Takarasta- their second child and the only son. The woman died vomiting blood- a whole lot of blood. He could tell that she was killed by voodoo magic- the enemy village also had their shamans.

But just because his wife passed away and it was not the custom of his village for a man to marry another woman unless he were without children didn’t mean that the man didn’t give his dick enough exercise after the untimely demise of his dearly beloved.

There were women plentiful in the village many of whom loved their culture precisely because of its liberal rules that allowed them to have sex with any man of their fancy- as long as the man was unmarried. Though Takarasta’s father was not too young anymore, as the Village Shaman he enjoyed an appeal which was reserved for film stars in the Big City. After all, he was the one whom the girls’ fathers and brothers went for help in their time of distress in the battles against the neighbouring village- in a war that never ended even though it did stop once in a while- like when there were festivals that were celebrated by both the villages.

The fight was, of course, over the ownership of land. A territorial fight much like what you would find almost anywhere in the world. Only, in this place forgotten by civilization, aside from conventional weapons like spears, knives and guns(whenever they could get them), they also used magic. Voodoo to be more precise. And Takarasta’s father was The Man when it came to it.

So, yes, you bet he got his fair share of girls, girls who sometimes would come up to his door and ask him if he would like some company, just like that.

But though they stretched their legs for him, he couldn’t open his heart to them. He couldn’t tell them that his son- the one who must carry on his voodoo legacy and take over as the head shaman after his death was only ever interested in Ikaroya-good voodoo magic which instead of hurting people, healed them. More than that the particular branch of Ikaroya that his son was interested in was Iyabdoki-which involves the practice of using dolls to do good. For instance, instead of pricking the doll with knives and pins, you apply salve and if the corresponding part on the human body were wounded, it would heal like with magic.

Well, it was magic.

But Iyabdoki was the most hated of all Ikaroya practices among voodoo puritans- and everyone in the village was a puritan, including Takarasta’s father.

No, he couldn’t tell any of the girls- or anyone else in the village for that matter that the only type of voodoo that his son ever practiced was Iyabdoki. “I tried my level best to turn him into the dark eternal current so that he would leave behind all this good magic shit and finally be a man! But no, he wouldn’t listen. Or rather, he couldn’t. I could see in his eyes- he just doesn’t have it in him to hurt people, and hurting people to save other people is the main function of the shaman- this I tell the boy so many times that my tongue has become like leather! But still he wouldn’t listen! And now that I am getting older and weaker, I don’t think that I have the patience for it anymore! Oh, God, what am I to do!”

There were countless gods in the religion practiced by the people of Takarasta’s village, ranging from the absurd(eg: the god of scratching- she enables you to scratch an itch, even if it’s on the exact center of your back) to the profound(the god of multiple dreams-he ensures that of all the dreams in his repository, you get only the best possible under the circumstances, so that your future-which is dependent on the dreams you have, will be the best possible). Takarasta’s father was pretty sure that he has prayed to almost all the gods in their religion- at least twice, asking them to correct his boy’s mind so that he would see the true light of black voodoo magic but it seemed that none of the gods were interested in doing anything dramatic like that.

Being the chief shaman Takarasta’s father was always under the threat of an opposing shaman applying voodoo on him, notwithstanding the multitude of magic spells with which he has protected himself. Whether it was the benefit of the protective spells or not, the man died peacefully in bed one night of old age. The girl who has come to be his company for the night found him dead in the wee hours of the morning when she woke up to take a piss.

She would later tell her friends that the man died a happy man after making “such beautiful love.” Which was true.

The only regret that the old man had before his death was that his son would never become a good shaman.

A secret he has kept from everyone.

**

Everyone except for one, that is- his daughter, Shounshoun.

Of course, he didn’t have to point out to her that her brother was dabbling-more than dabbling- in Iyabdoki. She could see it for herself. And being the intelligent girl that she was, she understood what it meant.

But she never took all this voodoo shit seriously. In fact, she took the life in the entire village as nothing but a joke- which was why she left for the Big City an year before her father’s death. There, she lived with her software engineer boyfriend- as she said to Takarasta, her boyfriend was not just another techie but one who was the mastermind behind some of the most significant apps that were made in recent times- like the food delivery one with which you could mix and match the different items in a menu and make it into a single meal.

Takarasta was not impressed. He, like most people in the village thought little of science. Why would people waste so much time with it when there was something way better than that- magic? Sure, with magic-even voodoo you cannot expect to have the same result every time. In other words, it’s not as reliable as science. But when it did work, boy was it magic or what?

Takarasta’s father would have liked his son to have his daughter’s go-getter attitude. (According to tradition, it’s only the sons who could become a shaman.) Not that Shounshoun would have been interested even if the position were open- she always thought that the ability to chat with someone a few continents away with a rectangular object in your palm was a better sort of magic than the kind with which you inflicted pain on someone in the next village via the medium of a doll.(And what were grown-up people doing with dolls, anyway? Why didn’t they grow up!)

But Shounshoun had the attitude to up and leave for the Big City, going even against her father’s wishes. The way her father saw it, it meant that she didn’t have any qualms about hurting people- even if it were her own father. And he would have liked  if Takarasta too had that inclination to hurt- but not his father, of course.

He was hurt enough by what his daughter did.

**

Takarasta’s father didn’t let on about his son’s little secret to anyone because he didn’t want to be looked down upon.

‘Hey, old man, how come a sissy son like that was born to you- a lion among shamans?’ was not a question that he wished to hear from anyone. And what with young people these days being unruly, not high on respecting the elders of the society but high on something or the other all the same all the time, there was a very good chance that he would have had to hear such a question-maybe during one of the long evening walks he took(which was also occasions for scouting for girls in the village- anyone come of age recently?).

But a secret could remain a secret only so long.

Once Takaratsa became the village shaman, the villagers began to come to him, just like they used to come to his father in their times of peril- and what with the battle that was always on, there were perils frequently for the villagers. Most of them came with a piece of cloth which they said belonged to their enemies. At times, he would get something more dramatic- like the skin off the back of the neck or in one instance, a piece of an ear.

A shaman could try and eliminate an enemy by concentrating hard on an image of the enemy-based on a description, and the more details that he has of the enemy-like name and address(eg: ‘the green house on the edge of the bamboo forest’) the more powerful the magic would be. But having physical artefacts that belonged to the enemy-like a piece of cloth or an ear magnifies the effect of the voodoo magic manifold- just like a good speaker system could amplify even the input from something as simple as a smart phone.

The villagers had never had the occasion to see Takarasta’s work during the time of his father- the old man always said, “He would have a long life to serve you, I am sure. But as of now, let him concentrate on his intense study-taking advantage of the fact that I am here to help you all. And when his time comes , he would be better-way better than I could ever hope to be!”

But the villagers never doubted in his ability. Why should they? After all his father was one of the best shamans the village has ever produced- some of his deeds were even more amazing than the legends of the old shamans- like the time he made the vulture tattoo on the back of an enemy’s neck rise up and peck him to death. In addition to such a strong lineage, Takarasta also had the advantage of studying books which even his father didn’t have access to- it’s said that his father got some of these books as gifts from another shaman who visited their village, who was mighty impressed by his skills.

Instead of learning the new tricks himself, he gave them to his son so that “you could be better than me!” At least, that’s what the shaman told the villagers.

Little did the villagers know that the only book that Takarasta learned with any level of diligence was the one about Iyabdoki- the thick volume he found one day as a young boy at the forbidden part of his father’s library- it happened before the time he learned the meaning of the word ‘forbidden.’

The villagers were somewhat curious when notwithstanding the artefacts which belonged to their enemy that they gave to the new shaman, when they went back to the battle ground, they still found the very same enemy not just alive but apparently well enough to come rushing at them with the intent to kill.

However, it was when he saved the life of the Frail Old Woman that the villagers realized that their new shaman was not going to be much good for them in their fight against the enemies.

In fact, they were downright appalled by the incident.

**

Though he was not able to follow in his father’s footsteps when it came to doing black voodoo, one thing in which Takarasta did emulate his father was with the evening walks. And like his father, one of the reasons for the walk was to check out the girls.

Which was why when his eyes fell on the distant figure of a girl he decided to take a deroute and climb up the small hillock so that he could catch a better look at the her. Only, as he neared her, he realist that she was just a little girl- not more than 11 or 12 years or age and too emaciated and malnourished to be beautiful.

Since he was not into pedophilia Takarasta looked around for other prospective female bodies. However, the doors to all the handful of huts in the small hillock remained shut, except for the one in front of which stood the little girl, looking lost and forlorn. In fact, there were tears streaming down her face.

The goodness in Takarasta’s heart which his father so despised now kicked into action.

“What’s the matter, little girl?” said Takarasta, crouching down beside her.

“My grandmother..she lies so still, so feverish..she doesn’t say anything when I speak to her.”

It turned out that the little girl, who lost both of her parents at a very young age- both to voodoo magic by their enemies(enemies from this village itself or the next one, he couldn’t confirm) lived with her grandmother in this little hut. If the old woman also were to breather her last, the girl would be completely alone.

Her plight moved Takarashta to tears.

“Let’s go and see your grandmother,” he said and led the girl into the low thatched  hut.

**

Just one look at the Frail Old Woman was all it took for Takarasta to realize that she didn’t have much longer to live. However, he also saw that he could prolong her life by a few months by curing whatever ailed her now.

“This can be fixed,” assuring the girl so, the shaman immediately got into action. In two days’ time the Frail Old Woman was up and running as though with the cure she also lost a few years of her age.

And when her grand-daughter came to inform him about how well she was recovered, Takarasta felt a warm glow within his heart. For the first time he felt as though his life has a purpose- so far, the closest he has come to such a felling was when he happened to fuck some young woman whom his father hasn’t made love to yet- quite a rarity, that was.

But the sense of fulfilment that he felt after healing the Frail Old Woman went deeper than the satisfaction of sex- way deeper. For this was not physical but spiritual- a plane everyone heard about but rarely felt.

But the people of the village were not impressed. In fact, they felt downright angry.

For no one was supposed to interfere with the will of god- that dictum was clearly put forward in their Most Holy Sacred Religious Text. If it was god’s will that the woman should live, she should have survived without the aid of medicine or shamanic intervention. Hell, the villagers didn’t even treat their wounded soldiers going by the same principle. Then why would the shaman heal the Frail Old Woman who had lived a long life already?

More than that, why would a shaman do something like that? A shaman’s job is to destroy the enemy, not revive dying old women!

Takarista was questioned by the village elders. The elders felt offended by the manner in which he calmly acknowledged what he did. In fact, there was a smile on his face as he looked at them all, a smile which one of the elders would later term as ‘thoroughly anti-god!’

“How is it that interfering to hasten someone’s death is in accordance with god’s will whereas saving someone’s life goes against the same?”

All the elders shook their head hearing the shaman’s question, lamenting the young man’s inexperience about matters godly. One of them even wondered aloud how Takarsta’s father- such a wise and knowledgeable man could have not enlightened his own son about such things!

Another elder-a tall man with a beard which flowed all the way down to his crotch(some of the young people in the village called him ‘tickle-beard-crotch’ behind his back) came forward and took Takarasta aside. Speaking to him in a gentle voice, he said,  “Son, god wants his soldiers to be the best they could be because he wants us to win. Which is why it is okay for a shaman to do voodoo to kill an enemy but not okay to save someone.”

“If you want our soldiers to be the best, then why don’t you treat them when they are wounded?”

Though Tickle-beard-crotch had taken the young man aside, what they said to each other was still audible to the rest of the elder group- there were always 8 members in the group, 8 being the holy number in their religion(8 ceremonies to ensure you reached heaven, 8 different prayers that you must utter for the dying, 8 wives for the one god and so on…). A collective gasp escaped from all the eight mouths followed by a shake of eight heads.

“He is hopeless!” one of them muttered. The rest of the elders made variations on that theme.

They made the unanimous decision that the New Shaman was not fit to be their New Shaman- the first time that such a decision was made in the elder group’s history. There were a number of lesser shamans in the village- the elders counseled the villagers to approach them from now on in their times of peril.

As for Takarasta, he felt heartbroken. The thing was he had the romantic notion that his purpose in life is deeply entwined with the lives of the people of his village. And now that they had rejected him so blatantly, he couldn’t see no purpose to his life. And for a young man there could be nothing more distressing than a lack of purpose- other than not being able to get laid, that is.

And now that he has done the whole village wrong by doing some good, no girl in the village expressed an interest in sharing the bed with him.

“Double fuck!” Takarasta muttered, lying in his bed in the dark, not bothering to turn on the oil lamp. The two bottles of arrack that he consumed didn’t feel enough. He would have liked to go to the brewers and buy one more but he felt too low, and was unsure if he could face the brewer’s mocking smile again.

At the sound of feet stirring outside, he looked to the open door, hoping  it was some girl come to give him solace, and a piece of her ass. Women, he had noted usually were more sensitive to matters like heartbreak.

It was indeed a woman who walked in the door, beautiful at that, only it was his sister Shounshoun.

Takarasta was both surprised, and delighted to see her. He sat up in the bed looking at her face which was illuminated by the pale light of the moon.

“Why are you sitting in the dark?” she said and with the aid of a lighter, lit the oil lamp on the table.

And when the room was filled with light she saw how untidy everything looked, including her brother.

“Why, whatever happened to you?”

Instead of replying Takarasta asked a question of his own: “I didn’t know that you were going to come today. Otherwise, I would have made arrangements for a good dinner.”

Rising her cell phone, she said, “If you could get one of these, I could have let you know!” The frequent turf wars in the region has necessitated aid workers who came to the region from all around the world. The aid workers, like the perennial battles in the region became permanent fixtures. Global business houses saw a potential market in them and so put up a couple of mobile towers in the area so that they could communicate with the outer world.

People in Takarasta’s village too could have benefited from this, if they got over their aversion to science and technology and got a mobile.

Shounshoun has told her brother multiple times that she would get him a smartphone from the Big City- a latest model that would even enable him to download pdfs of all the scanned shamanic texts available online. “So that you can keep updated, you know!”

Though Takarasta found the idea of keeping updated about his profession great- and he had heard from a friend how using a phone he could look at naked young women in the Big City, a peek that even magic didn’t allow him, he still couldn’t bring himself to succumb to the powers of science. As a shaman who dealt directly with powers magical he couldn’t even think of such a thing.

“Now that father is no more, I knew you would be sitting her all alone, feeling generally depressed, possibly consuming alcohol- which I see is the case now,” said Shounshoun. “So I just felt like coming down and seeing how you were doing. I would have arrived in the morning, only the infrastructure in this darn village sucks so bad that you should give an error margin of 365 days while making a travel plan!”

Putting her duffel bag on the bed, she sat beside Takarasta.

Even though he was elder to her by three years, he has always been the baby of the family.

A sensitive soul who harbored such wildly romantic notions as doing good in the world, he often encountered instances in which the real world stood crassly in opposition to his views-which always put him in a dark mood. In such situations it was Shounshoun’s job to give him solace, by cradling his head in her arms, by saying that things were going to be alright.

“So, what happened to you?” she said again.

And this time, Takarasta told her everything-beginning from how he couldn’t bring himself to do black voodoo even though the villagers brought him pieces of clothes and ears, to healing the Frail Old Woman, to the Elder Group’s decision that he was unfit to be the chief shaman of the village.

By the time he was done talking there were tears in his eyes.

“Damn these villagers and their arcane principles!” exclaimed his city-living sister. “What’s wrong with saving someone’s life?”

“Exactly!” exclaimed Takarasta.

Looking at her brother’s face, Shounshoun said, “Why don’t you come to the city, brother. I am sure that your skills will be much appreciated there.”

At this, Takarsta’s face fell again. It wasn’t the first time that she made such a proposal.

“You know what my answer is,” Takarasta said softly.

**

The next morning, Takarasta woke up to the smell of great mutton stew and hard bread. Shounshoun came out of the kitchen carrying his breakfast in a tray.

“What is this?” Takarasta said, sounding surprised. It wasn’t the custom in the village to have breakfast in bed.

“This is how we do it in the city!” said Shounshoun sitting beside him on the bed and breaking bed with him.

During breakfast she related to him all the great things in the city- the Sol Santes and the cinemas and the football matches(Mark, her boyfriend is a football nut and takes her to the matches). She also repeated her proposal from last night- about Takarasta moving in with them.

“You can stay with us until you are able to stand on your own feet. I’m sure that Mark wouldn’t mind. In fact, he was the one who asked me to ask you this time. The man must be all alone out there, he said. So, what do you say?”

But Takarasta’s response was the same.

Feeling disheartened by her brother turning down her proposal (for the nth time), Shounshoun decided that she wanted to be on her own for a little while. So, despite the overwhelming heat of the day, she went out for a walk.

The fact that the villagers opposed vehemently any sort of scientific progress to meant that nothing much happened in the village in terms of progress. And one of the few good things about this was that plenty of land still existed in the village- and nature is a presence that can be rarely replicated in a living room setting- though people in the cities try their darnest to do just that.

Shounshoun now found some solace walking among the giant trees that led from her father’s house down to the Shalava river- considered as the lifeline of the village, and also the waterbody which separated the village from their enemies.

She had almost reached the riverbank when the assailants fell upon her.

**

By late evening, Takarasta began considered going to the brewer and buying another bottle of arrack. He had seen the forlorn expression on Shounshoun’s face in the morning as  she stepped out for a walk- an expression which from experience he knew meant that she was going to remain not talking to him for a long time.

But he had never expected her to stay angry, and stay out this late.

And what made things worse was that he didn’t have any valid thing to say in defense of his decision not to leave the village. After all, the villagers had rejected him. So, he was not going to fulfill his purpose- the purpose of healing, out here. But still, but still, these were his people and this was the land where his forefathers had practiced magic. How was he supposed to cut that connection!

Such thoughts began to flood his mind when Takarasta thinking again about the merits of alcohol-a magic in its own right. Sure, the brewer would probably snicker at him again but on final analysis, Taka(as his father used to call him) decided that arrack’s benefits of curbing your thoughts, in this instance outweighed the prospective expression on the brewer’s face.

But he didn’t get to see the brewer’s expression for it turned out that the brewer was one of the victims of the ‘mass abductions’ which took place that day.

Such a thing has never happened in the village before. And for that reason, it was much talked about.

**

At first, the stories about the abduction were disparate and largely non-cohesive. Some said that some unholy beast has come down from the sky and took away all the people while others vehemently argued that all the missing people were sucked down by the very earth since the earth found it too heavy to bear all the people on its surface.

If that were the case, Takarasta wasn’t sure why the earth would bother devouring his sister- she was as thin as a reed and weighed no more than a few bamboo poles clustered together. Surely, the earth could have found fatter people to reduce its weight burden? Like some of the old men in the elders group, maybe?

But soon it became evident that it wasn’t the earth or supernatural beings from the sky which took away the people. The body of one of the villagers- a lowly farmer- was possessed by a voodoo shaman from the other village. And through the farmer’s mouth, the shaman delivered a message on behalf of his people:

“We have abducted a hundred of your people! Okay, not exactly hundred but ninety six. And the reason is simple- we know that you have got a tent-ful of modern weapons which you obtained from the supposed ‘aid groups’ stationed in the outskirts of our villages. Whatever unholy deals that your elders got into with these aid-workers(the word was spoken in the most spiteful tone) we have no idea. But we do know that you intend to use these weapons against us…” After a brief hesitation the farmer/shaman said, “So, do you want us to spell it out? Then here it is: hand over the weapons to us and you get your people back. We need an answer by dawn, or else we start killing your people. You can use this farmer as a medium to communicate. Whatever he hears and see, so do we.”

This news, of course was alarming to the villagers. And as they began to discuss among themselves about how to tackle the problem, the elders got together and had a separate discussion themselves.

For a village with a population of under 1000, losing 96 was a big deal, not to mention the emotional pain such a thing would cause the loved ones of the abducted.

“But it is a fact that if we use the weapons, we could possibly end the war with them once and for all,” said one of the elders.

“Yes, but what about those who were abducted?” said a worried looking Tickle-beard-crotch whose only son was also one of those who were taken.

Taking a deep sigh the first elder said, “Well, I don’t think that they could have pulled this off without the help of one or more of our own. And you know very well how much hardship has went into procuring all these weapons. Had we got a good black shaman among us, we may not have needed the weapons but as it is, I think the weapons make even more sense. And to just hand over the weapons to our enemies would be killing ourselves- all of us! No, I say we go ahead and annihilate our enemies, and to placate our people, we should harshly punish the traitors among us, starting with that damn small-time farmer through whom they speak to us!”

“But there is no proof that he is a traitor!” said another of the elders. “In fact, I heard that his own little boy is among the hostages!”

“Bah! That’s just a decoy method of his, I am sure!” said the first elder, throwing an arm up in the air.

“But what about my son?” wailed Tickle-beard-crotch. Though the rest of his group empathized with him they came to the decision that they should go ahead and just annihilate their enemies, notwithstanding the cost of civilian lives that it would incur.

The decision was made 7 against one. And democracy won.

**

When dawn came and no reply was made to their enemies by the elders, the villagers- especially those whose loved ones had been taken hostage began to panic. Panic turned to protests as they congregated in front of the elders’ court and cried for justice.

But unbeknownst to them the elders had all made their way out of the back door in the middle of the night and were presently with the soldiers overseeing the weapons that were being arranged to be fired at their neighbors.

And even as the protestors shouted at the top of their lungs to “Bring our people back, bring us justice!” and “Do not leave them behind, together we move on!” the weapons were fired.

The enemy, hoping that killing off the hostages one by one would stop them from being fired at began to do precisely that. And they started sending over piles of dead bodies on a raft across the river, communicating the message through their medium- the farmer.

To cut a long story short, in the aftermath of the killings, the viillagers couldn’t find the dead bodies of all the hostages. But among the ones that were found was Shounshoun’s.

In fact, Takarasta was the one who found the bod. A clean horizontal slit across her throat on which was congealed blood-it looked like a second mouth on her and it grinned at him.

**

The irony was not lost on him- that he moved to the city only after his sister’s death, when Shounshoun had repeatedly asked him to make that move while she was alive.

In fact, there were nights when lying in bed in the small one room apartment which Shounshoun’s boyfriend Mark had arranged for him, he would have tears flowing down his cheeks, thinking how she could still have been alive if only he had heeded her advice and left the village earlier. Then, she wouldn’t have had reason to be in the village on that fateful day.

What finally decided for him to make the move was the jubilation with which the villagers received the news of the destruction of the neighboring village- as though the death of the 96 were not that big a deal. Worst of all was seeing among the jubilant even some of those whose loved ones counted among the 96.

Had the villagers not danced to the drum beats to celebrate the death of their neighbours, Takarasta might have considered staying back. Had there not been the ones who lost someone they loved among the dancers, he would have considered staying back(“Their deaths have now been justified!” some of them cried, though there were of course many who couldn’t or probably wouldn’t recover from the death of a dear one). Had the villagers not brought the defeated to their own village and humiliated them in public- by stripping them and flogging them, he might have considered staying back.

But they did all those things and more. And on the day that Takarasta left- a bright though sunless day on which all the leaves of the trees looked to him to be red in colour, the villagers were readying a small group of mercenaries to go and capture the rest of their enemies who were in hiding. It was found that some of the leaders of the enemies were still alive and at large. But rounding up the handful of them wouldn’t be a task for the villagers. “And we would have yet another feast and a night of dancing when they are brought in. We will perhaps have their shaman kill off their own leaders as a form of entertainment for us!” Takarasta heard one of the elders say before he left.

Well, whatever, he thought. I am out.

**

Mark, Sounshoun’s boyfriend has been most helpful with arranging a place for Takarasta to stay and also a small adjoining two room shop from which he could run his ‘Shaman’s healing palace’(though the place- cramped with dolls of different shapes and sizes- all handmade in the village and brought to the Big City by Takarasta for treating people with various ailments, not to mention the other paraphernalia required for running a business establishment- tables and chairs and ledgers and shelves and a small lavatory which the visitors might use if their visit turned out to be long-meant that the place had as much resemblance to a palace as a mice to an elephant.)

“But, don’t worry, I am sure that your business will flourish. Everyone in the city is sick in one way or the other and the number of honest doctors and shaman down here is very close to zero. Your service would be more than welcome to the people of the Big City and sooner rather than later, you would find yourself running a bigger establishment- much bigger!” These words of encouragement were spoken by the twinkly eyed, 6 feet tall handsome gentlemen who was Mark- a man who went to great lengths to enable the establishment in question, right from scouting for the office location to procuring the necessary documents for Takarasta to be able to start his Shamanic business.

“You can pay me back once you have made money!”he said.

Takarasta would have liked to find anything less than gentlemanly in Mark’s behavior- so that he could justify the grudge he once had for this man who was part of the reason why his sister left for the Big City. But so far, he has not been able to find anything of the sort in how the city-born and bred man interacted with him. Though he put a brave face and was inherently cheerful, the death of his girlfriend-whom he was going to marry in another two months had left its mark on his face (one main reasons Shoushoun went to see her brother on what turned out to be her final visit to the village was to relate the news of their engagement to him directly-something she was unable to do before her death). Whenever he smiled- which he did a lot, the smile quite didn’t reach his eyes, and the dark circles and the deep frowns and the lackluster pupils were all things that didn’t  go well with the good-natured human that he was.

But those signs were there all the same, like ghosts that for some reason has taken residence in a pure soul.

Takarasta would have liked to help him. But he didn’t know of any magic- voodoo or otherwise, that may help with heartbreak.

**

Contrary to Mark’s prediction, Takarasta’s business didn’t prosper as they hoped.

For one thing, people in the City had generally lost faith in shamanic healing what with a number of spurious players ruining the reputation. Another factor was that Takarasta-with his gentle demeanors and his mundane dressing(he wore a simple plain coloured robe unlike the frilled and largely ornamental affairs of his counterparts) didn’t give them the impressive appearance of a ‘Shaman’ shaman.

An most people who did approach him did so for the sake of buying pre-prepared smell potions that would make other people think good things about them or fall in love with them- an enhanced function for a perfume, if you will.

Not only did such sales failed to cover enough money for the rent for his office and apartment, Takarasta couldn’t find contentment in his heart which beat for the sole purpose of finding fulfillment-which was to heal people.

Mark came forward again with help- in the way of printing brochures that detailed Takarata’s series- ‘Shamaic healing- arthritis, muscle pain, accident injuries, gastrointestinal problems and more- First Consultation free!’ and doing some minimal promotion online- being a software professional who has been in the industry for long years, he used his contacts to pull it off. However, none of these efforts worked as the number of people who visited ‘Shamanic Healing Palace’ went down rather than up.

By the third year since starting the shop, Takarasta was contemplating applying for the position of the salesman which the soft toys shop opposite was advertising. Though Mark was still the gentleman that he was, asking him to “be patient, things will soon begin to look up” he didn’t like being a leech- for that’s how he felt like now that he had to rely on Mark even to pay the rent every month.

He was sure that selling bid panda dolls won’t be the fulfillment that he looked for in life but it would certainly be a leg up from the way he lived now.

But then, destiny interfered to prevent him from making such a drastic career change.

**

Being a shaman Takarasta was a big believer in destiny- what with his culture and his profession both teaching him how one must roll with destiny if one is to achieve anything significant in life.

But when the rich lady’s poodle was hit by a car in front of his shop, Takarasta didn’t realize it was destiny at play. He only saw it as a small tragedy. The neighbourhood where Mark had found him the office space was upscale(“Rich people have a greater propensity for new age medicine” he had said) and Takarasta would often see in the evenings the rich(and mostly middle-aged) women of the neighbourhood walking their dogs some of which looked more stylish than their owners.

Like this poodle which was miles ahead in terms of looks compared to the woman with a face so soaked in make-up you couldn’t tell where the mascara ended and the eyes began.

At least, the dog looked great before it was hit by the car and its entrails spilled out of its body.

“Aaaargggghhhh!” the woman scream sounded almost as ugly as how she looked. But Takarasta didn’t notice that. His mind was entirely on the poor little poodle, which lied on the road in an ever widening circle of blood, its body spasming in death throes.

Coming out from behind his table where he sat with a glazed look of boredom in his eyes, he ran to the dog, scooped it up and before the lady knew what was happening, carried it into the Shamanic Healing Palace.

The lady, dazed and confused, came after him. She looked unsure whether she should be complaining about this man’s strange behavior- was he a black magician who wanted to use her dear Lovely, for that was the poodle’s name, for some evil purpose? Or was he going to help her using his shamanic skills? She had noticed this shamanic shop on her myriad walks with Lovely-however, she didn’t believe in shamans, not since that time when she went in for a ‘Shamanic manicure therapy’ in Paris which promised ‘wellbeing from finger-tips to the heart’ and came out with her fingernails all purplish- a state of affairs that persisted for nine months before it faded!

So you can imagine her amazement when she saw how Takarasta laid Lovely on a small table in the inner chamber of his office and shouted to her, “Go get a stuffed toy of a dog from the shop opposite! Hurry!”

Blinking, not sure if this man was completely deranged to be making such a request, she said, “Must it be that of a poodle!”

Thinking just for a split second, he said, “If you can get it. Otherwise any dog would do.”

The woman – though in her early fifties was someone who kept herself trim and healthy what with an hour at the treadmill every day and squash with her husband on the weekends- her husband always lets her win but she didn’t know that.

All that training came to use now as she trotted fast to the shop next door and back like Superwoman. She didn’t even bother collecting the balance for the money she paid. This made the toy shop owner- who was of the opinion that high society ladies were the shallowest of all human specimen rethink his stance.

“Here!” she handed the doll to Takarasta. Taking a look at her poodle, she saw that the dog was no more stirring.

“Is she dead?” she said. Before Takarasta could say anything, she began crying- a sound which was like a cross between a cocunut husk being grated on a rock and barb wire being cut with chainsaw. Seeing no point in trying to placate the woman, Takarasta got to action- ripping open the dolls’ body with a knife ha had kept ready, praying over the doll using mildly spoken chants and incense.

After some two minutes of this- time in which the woman’s crying transformed into quieter sobs, Takarasta began to knit the doll so that its white stuffing could be pressed back into its body.

The woman, meanwhile got into a small loop of a problem- her crying has made her mascara get into her eyes which made her cry all the more which made even more mascara to melt and get into her eyes. Since she was pre-occupied with handling this issue- taking one leaf after the other from the wad of tissues from Takarasta’s table, she didn’t notice the miracle happening before her eyes.

It was only when Lovely stood up on the table and yelped did she look up. For a few seconds, she remained still- she did expect the Shaman to do something but never did she hope that her dear little Lovely would be as good as new- no blood, no hanging entrails, looking smug and happy as she ever did! And the transformation happened in less than five minutes!

Her first reaction was of mild horror, apprehending the tall and broad chested shaman with new eyes. Perhaps, she thought, his rustic aura was not just the result of cleverly applied makeup-as she has thought before.

The horror turned to gratitude when Lovely jumped on to her and she took hold of the fluffy mass of joy that was the poodle. And when the liitle gal started yelping and licking her cheeks, it was all she could do to keep herself from crying again- this time out of sheer happiness, and wonderment.

“How can I ever thank you for this?” she said to the shaman. There was genuine gratitude in her voice- something that Takarasta would appreciate even more if only he knew how rare such a tone was coming from her.

Takarasta shrugged as though this was the kind of thing that he did every day. “You can just pay me my fee, madam!” he said with a smile.

**

Lovely’s owner didn’t just pay him his fee. She spread the word in her social circle that a great veterinarian shaman has arrived in town, possibly the best ever.

“Veterinarian shaman? I didn’t even know that shamans specialized like that?” said a high browed, long faced young woman at a party when she heard about this.

“Oh, even I didn’t know that,”said Lovely’s master. “But you should see him, Sheila, he is amazing! I mean, you should probably take Tiger to him. I remember you talking about his loose motion problems. I am sure that he could cure it in a jiffy!”

“Oh, the loose motion is all sorted out!” Sheila said, blowing smoke from her cigarette casually. “But does he give pedicure? He must, right? being a vet and all?”

And so it was that Takarasta began to earn a reputation as a vet-shaman with considerable powers. The fact that Lovely’s owner was no ordinary society lady but the wife of someone who once ran for the position of the Big City Mayor(and lost on a very small margin) meant that  Takarasta began getting high profile individuals coming to his office in high profile cars carrying high profile cats, dogs, turtles, frogs, spiders and once-even a baby cheetah.

The novelty associated with the idea of a ‘vet-shaman’ was also a huge draw. And once the customers saw that his powers were indeed as good as the grapevine said(and the grapevine is rarely factual about such matters), even more people began to turn up at the ‘Shamanic Healing Palace’- some even from neighboring cities.

They paid him money of their choice for performing such miracles as fixing a broken bone with just a touch on a doll or making dysentery disappear in Mark the Third- the dog with the aristocratic face, by rubbing crushed chilly flakes on a doll’s abdomen- “Don’t ask how he does it! He is such a magician!” was how it was later described at a late night party.

Takarasta always insisted that they pay him his fee- as mentioned in the brochure and not the money that his customers thought were right for his service. Not because they paid him less- not by a long shot. They paid him ten and twenty times more than what was rightfully his, and it was not infrequent for them to send some ‘trifle gift’ to him like the latest iPhone, a boxful of rare chocolates that someone procured during a Venezuelan trip and on one occasion- a Mercedes Benz.

Even though he kept insisting that they shouldn’t overpay him or give him such extravagant gifts(though he was cool about beautiful young women ready to lie with him), they didn’t listen to him- a prerogative of the aristocrats which they performed with vehemence. Foreign dignitaries, when they visited the Big Citiy were brought to the Sahamanic Healing Palace- now in its new location looking more or less like a palace- or at least a chamber in a palace. When they saw the astounding powers with which the shaman healed the amazed, they were amazed.

It didn’t take long for Takarasta to become a global shamanic star.

Throughout all this, even though he was glad for the customers, there was one thing that he kept trying to impress upon them: ‘I can heal humans too! In fact, it’s to heal the suffering mass of humanity that is my calling!’

But, just as they declined to listen to his plea to not overpay him or send him exorbitant gifts, the aristocracy failed to listen to this as well.

Or when they did listen, they didn’t take it too seriously.

“Oh, poor Taka, you are getting so many animals to look after, when will you ever get the time to look after another species!” some would say. And that was true too. Until he became a ‘vet-shaman’ he didn’t know that there were so many wealthy individuals in the world, and so many wealthy pets.

“Oh, nonsense, Taka! Why should you diversify now that you are having such a terrific vertical growth. There is no need to think about horizontal growth now that the ascension on the Y-axis gives you both liquidity and great long-term prospects! That would be allocating your resources at too many places!” Such advice would be meted out to him by successful businessmen whom he counted as clients. He could never claim that he understood every word of what they said, but he did get the gist of it- You are making a whole load of money as it is. So, why not just chill!

But what about my fulfillment in life? I don’t want to heal humans to make extra cash, but because it’s my destiny!

Even though he had come to the verge of saying this to his patrons and sponsors multiple times, Takarasta was now business-savvy enough to know that saying what’s on your mind wasn’t always the most prudent thing to do.

And being a celebrity and a brand ambassador to multiple brands- among others, Pedigree(“As good as magic!” was the tagline for the commercials featuring Takarasta) meant that he was obliged to a whole lot of people now. Contracts were drawn, deadlines were always in the horizon and stock prices were intricately linked to how well he promoted himself as a vet-shaman.

In other words, though he didn’t have fulfillment, he now had multiple coffers full of money. And the world-wide attention and travelling in business classes and fucking Brazilain super-models and dining with film stars were things that Takarasta couldn’t say he didn’t enjoy.

Moreover, Lovely’s owner- the mayor’s wife(for the man did become the mayor the second time he ran for the office) was gracious enough to offer him the hand of her daughter.

“If you take care of my daughter at least half as well as you took care of Lovely that day, we would be more than happy!” she said, eyeing the mayor who stood beaming beside her.

Takarasta accepted the proposal. Mark and his family were the closest thing that Takarasta had to a family(Mark married a pediatrician and the couple had two kids. They were now settled in France). So, Mark became his best man at the wedding which was conducted in the traditional Christian manner.

“I am really glad for you, Taka!” said Mark after the wedding. “I told you you would flourish. Look at this wedding- in a grand hall that has been around for centuries, attended by some of the biggest players in different field including film, sports, medicine, science and politics! Hell, you even have Kanye West singing on stage! How cooler could things get, huh! Oh, wait, things do get cooler- for the girl you are married to is the one and only Kelly Adams- a singer and an actress of global reputation!”

Mark’s enthusiasm was infectious. And whatever he said was true.
What made matters even better in the coming years for Takarasta was that his wife- contrary to the general perception about women in the entertainment business sleeping with actors at the drop of a hat was a loyal wife who cherished the life with her husband. And when the first of the couple’s three kids were born, she took a sabbatical for an year to stay home with the child- a feat that she repeated with the birth of the subsequent children.

All in all, Takarasta spent the large part of his adult life reasonably satisfied, at least as satisfied as one could hope to be living in this big bad world. In his old age, he was especially proud of his children’s accomplishments- the eldest followed in her mother’s footsteps and became an actress herself- an Oscar winning one at that, the second one was a successful film producer in Hollywood while the youngest, the darling of the family was one of the world’s leading neurosurgeons.

But when his dear wife passed away at the age of 56-which was a young age in an era when average life expectancy in the Big City was 85,  more if you were wealthy- and the shaman’s wife, the platinum selling artist and a big-ticket actress was definitely wealthy. However, death has a way of turning a blind eye to statistics and did his job one night when the air was cold and the sky was dark.

Takarasta had disturbing dreams that night and when he woke up, he found his wife lying dead beside him. She has had a cardiac arrest two times before but notwithstanding her doctor’s orders, she kept performing saying, “I can’t possibly live without doing it!” Takarsta, who knew singing and dancing was her passion couldn’t do much in the way of stopping her.

‘At least, she should find fulfillment!’ he thought whenever she went on a live tour.

After his wife’s death, Takarsta began to feel the emptiness within his heart only too well- a void which he knew could only be filled with the acts for which he was born- that is, to heal humans in distress. Now that he was old and ailing himself(he occasionally got a sharp pain in his left elbow- a remnant of a household accident that he had a while back) he no more got brand deals as he used to. In fact, at the age of 72 he couldn’t claim to be the brand ambassador to even one product or company.

Not that he was complaining. On the contrary, he found the scenario conducive to make his exit from the entertainment world- for even though a shaman, by virtue of being an international celebrity, Takarasta had become an entertainer. At least, that’s what he felt like.

When he told his sponsors that he planned to go back to his village where he wished to live the last years of his life, they all made the obligatory polite remarks about “losing such a wonderful persona to the obscurity of the village” and “Are you sure you don’t want a rethink on that?” But the shaman could see that they didn’t mean anything that they said as clearly as he could see that the bottles of water on the conference table in front of them were not the kind that’s drunk by common folk.

Takarasta himself made some polite answers like, “Oh, I am too old for the Big city now!” Old though he may be, he didn’t feel himself unsuited for curing pets in the Big City. In fact, he knew that there was spirit enough left in him to cure for at least a few more years to come(A shaman’s healing powers is only as strong as his spirit). But that wasn’t a fact that he wanted to let his sponsors know. For he intended to spend the last years of his life doing what he was born to do, curing the people, curing his people back in the village… have a shot at finding fulfillment in life.

On his last night in the Big City, lying in his plush bed, Takaratsa kept sighing, over and over again, wondering why destiny would prevent someone for so long from fulfilling his purpose? He also wondered if it was entirely destiny’s mistake or was he also a factor? But then, how could he have just walked away from all of it when he was so tied up with the machinery of celebrity?

‘Whenever you hit a wall in your thinking, you halt, take a deep breath and clear your mind, and instead of willfully thinking, let the answers that you seek come to you.’

That was an advice which Taka’s father gave him when he was a child which he always remembered but rarely followed. Including now.

Saying “Bah! I am too old to be wondering about such things as destiny!” he had a chilled beer before falling asleep.

**

The village has changed much, he thought. Not because of progress-something for which he was deeply thankful- after spending an entire life in the Big City, he thought he has had enough of progress. The reason why Takarasta felt that the village had changed drastically was obvious- it was because almost the entire village was in ruins.

The huts were left to decay and animal carcasses- bare bones really were to be found all over. Where once stood wheat and corn farms, now there were miles and miles of dry ground. The forest that bordered one side of the village was the only thing that had obviously seen a positive growth in the years since Takarasta left the village- evident from the fact that the jungle had remarked the border, claiming more land for itself, also evidenced from the fact that even from a distance Takaratsa could see that the number of trees out there has gone up profusely- something that made him smile: It was such a pleasure to see wild growth after the meticulous artificiality of the City.

But he did find the absence of people alarming. So far, he has seen a few dogs, a couple of pigs, a goat that looked so emaciated that it looked as though the creature would merge into thin air any moment. But no people.

Takarasta had to walk for another half an hour before he met the first human being- an elderly woman, her skin looked parched like the erstwhile farms and her face was filled with sores. (“I could cure those!” was the first jubilant thought that came to his mind when his eyes fell on her.) She had a forlorn look, her eyes appearing to be blank as though they were staring into a hopeless vacuum.

The woman neither appeared happy nor sad at the appearance of the old man. And it took her a while to get into the conversation that he initiated, as though the art of making polite talk was something that she has long forgotten.

She was sitting on the bare ground- so, all through the conversation she kept taking sand in her hand which she let drift through the gaps between her fingers. It was the child-like gesture which tipped Takarasta to the possibility that she was someone he knew from when he used to live in the village.

Upon inquiry, his suspicion was confirmed. The woman was none other than the little girl whose Frail Old Grandma Takarasta cured all those years ago- the girl had grown old but she hasn’t forgotten the shaman’s kind act.

When he told her who he was, her entire face lit up like a lantern the wick of which suddenly burned.

“Oh, I am so glad to see you!” she said, “I can’t remember the last time the village got a visitor.”

“What happened here?” said Takarasta, spreading his arms with a painful expression.

The girl- Takarasta could only see her as a girl and not a woman, told him everything:

Once Takarsta had left, the village remained jubilant for a few months-happy at the defeat of their enemies.

However, not all of their enemies were dead. There survived, in that other village a handful of men and women- some of them filled with wisdom. “Wiser than our own elders, I would say” said the girl/woman with a smirk.

“They saw that our village was divided. There were among us those who lost someone they loved when they were abducted..I remember you lost your sister that way..Anyway, many among those who lost someone were not pleased with the elders and their jubilation at the defeat of the enemy. Understanding this, the enemies used their shaman wisely. “

At the mention of the word ‘shaman’ Takarasta’s ears flicked up- in his time he had seen and heard enough of shamanic tricks. But he wasn’t vain enough to think that the infinitude of shamanic possibilities couldn’t throw up a surprise or two.

But when the girl/woman told him about it, he smiled since what the enemies used was a variation of his own trick.

“They began using voodoo for doing good,” she said.” Understanding that many of our people were wounded in their minds due to the actions of the elders, they began healing them, putting the suffering ones’ minds at ease. And this gave them the necessary leverage to turn many among us to join them- not just those who were cured but also the sympathizers. It’s not that they crossed the river and went and joined the enemy ranks- nothing as dramatic as that. But staying here, they turned against the elders. The rift was thus widened- between those who were with the elders and those against .”

“And infighting ensued, which destroyed our village for the enemy,” Takarasta completed for her.

The girl/woman nodded. “Almost everyone left,” she said. “There are only a very few of us here in the village now.”

“But enough to warrant the use of a shaman who can heal, I hope,” said Takarasta.

“Oh, yes, I am sure of it!” said the girl/ woman. Since the first time since they started talking, she was smiling.

**

Takarasta was pretty sure that like most of the huts in the village that he had seen, his father’s house too would be in tatters. But he was surprised when he saw that the hut was turned into a public lavatory before it went to ruins.

A little bit of inquiry and he came to learn that a few months after he left, one of the Aid Groups stationed outside the village tried their hand at ‘reforming’ the village- among other things that they set up on were a weekly camp when they would teach the villagers the English language- ‘the language of the future’ as they put it and a public lavatory to ‘improve the hygiene conditions and thwart unwanted diseases.’

The hut that Takarats’a father- one of the wealthiest persons in the village built was one of the more robust, not to mention spacious structures in the village. And since Takarasta- the last of whom stayed in the hut had left for good, the village elders had no qualms in giving it over for the purpose of building a public lavatory.

“’It’s a fitting place to have a lavatory for everyone to shit! Where that no-good shaman of ours used to live!’ that’s what our elders told the aid group! Har, har, har!” cackled the old man who related the incident to Takarasta, with evident relish and no consideration for the shaman’s feelings.

Rumours- possibly true-were abound that it was with the aid group’s help that the elders procured all those weapons which they used against the enemy all those years ago. In return, the aid group- actually a group funded by the US for plundering the natural resources in the area-were to be given entry into the village, so that slowly yet steadily they could become a permanent fixture in the village and start their true job of finding profit.

Whether the rumour was true or not, the aid group couldn’t take their activities beyond the initial stages: infighting had consumed the village by then. And a war which broke out in the neighbouring regions meant that they had to retreat out of the country itself, leaving the ruined village to the natives- or rather those who remained.

Takarasta wasn’t too miffed by the fact that his childhood home had the indignity of being turned to a public lavatory- a public loo that was now in ruins at that. ‘When the entire village is in ruins,’ the thought, ‘what matters that my home is no more?’

But he was miffed by the fact that he had to construct a make-shift habitat using bamboo poles and tree branches all by himself. He was not just too old but the Big City life had made him too complacent to having things done for him that even though he started constructing the habitat(a cross between a hut and a tent) at around 10 in the morning, he could finish it only by three in the afternoon.  Lunch(consisting of some fruit that he could pluck from the nearby trees) and a short nap intervened.

The location he chose for the structure was on the shores of the Shalava river- some way down from where stood the public lavatory/ his father’s hut. The place was idyllic-with trees and birds and more trees and more birds. The only problem was that due to the proximity to the water body, the villagers came to the shores to take a dump.

They were decent enough to not do this too close to the shaman’s new house. But Takarasta would sometimes see human excreta being carried by the river water, floating past his hut/tent on its way, like everything else that the rivers carry, into the ocean.

It was on the third or fourth sighting of such passage of the excreta that Takarsta had the idea to try out something that he has learned from one of his books- throughout his career as a vet-shaman he remained an avid learner of various human healing practices.

This particular trick was advanced, for it didn’t involve a doll but the rejects of the human body- it was  magic by which one could influence a body’s functions through the medium of shit. So the next time shit floated past him, Takarsta took a handful of dust and threw at it, uttering a healing chant.

The people he has seen so far were all sick for one reason or the other- their bodies and minds harassed by malnutrition and a multitude of diseases. He would see how he could heal them and the others. As for this trick involving the excreta, he would begin to see results in the next few days- if there were going to be results.

The bottom-line was that he had a lot of work to do in the village, for his people. Indeed, he had seen animals- goats and sheep and bullocks and more which could use his help. Yes, he had plenty to do here.

Looking at the brownish-red turd that floated past him on the river that shimmered under the setting sun, Takarasta smiled.

Godard Comes To Kerala

Jean Ville Godard is not someone you would call well-traveled.

Sure, he has been to a few places in his younger days- like Cambodia and China in the Asian continent and some parts of North America. But even as a youngster, he was never truly smitten by the travel bug. Whichever places he visited, he did because of peer pressure.

And in  adult life, Godard-who never married lived a more or less solitary life, the kind of life which limited his social life- a factor which took away peer pressure almost completely because his peers for some reason didn’t find it worthwhile to put pressure on a self-acknowledged loner to do something that he may not like to do in the first place.

But had they known about the excitement with which he had planned for his trip to Kerala, they would have been truly amazed. For whereas he would change the channel whenever a travel show comes on the TV, he literally spent hours poring over books about the God’s Own Country.

He wasn’t really going to visit the entire state. He was going to take a flight from the Charles De Gaulle Airport to the Indira Gandhi International Airport in New Delhi. He would stay in New Delhi for three days and take in as many sights as he could during that time-including the Taj Mahal.

Then, another flight and he would reach Trivandrum- a city near the southern fringes of the subcontinent, from where Kollam was just 60 kilometers away.

It was in Kollam that the reason for his excitement existed.

It was at a certain place in Kollam called Karachal that he was going to find out if his father was always the asshole that he thought he was.

**

Godard was surprised to find how much he was enjoying the small city of Kollam. Despite the sweltering heat he found the city-which was in fact just a glorified town, charmingly quaint. The languid pace which verged on the lethargic was the main attraction as far as Godard was concerned- a far cry from his own home city of Paris and definitely a world away from the hustle and bustle of the smoke-filled Delhi from where he escaped just yesterday.

Even as a layman, Godard could see that Kollam was what businessmen and development authorities might call  ‘under-exploited.’ There was a shoreline which remained largely unused without a single port(though there used to be one once upon a time) and the land itself looked like a contest between small time commercial establishments and residences that looked like they existed there because they didn’t have anywhere else to go.

In other words, if you came seeking action, Kollam was so not the place for it.

But the sort of action Godard was looking for was personal- something that was to be done at a place which was so far off the beaten path for the average tourist that not only would you not find an entry for Karachal in the Lonely Planet, you won’t find it on Wikipedia either!

But of course, Wiki-even though a predominant feature of the contemporary internet was by no means the only place that existed online. Not by a long shot. There were Facebook pages, discussion forums, blogs and other digital marvels of interest for the ones who really wanted to dig out some information.

And Godard, who thought the internet was the greatest invention since sliced bread-he thought his weekends perfect when he could order a wine online so he needn’t break away to go to the shop from reading his Chaucer- was able to track down some information about his intended destination.

The information was not much in terms of depth of content. He learned that the place was just some 15 kilometers from Kollam, en route the place called Kundara which apparently had some historical significance(what that significance was, Godard had forgotten almost as soon as he read it.) There wasn’t much to see in the way of tourist attraction there, though the blog did mention a small old temple dedicated to a female deity where devotees came to overcome their anger issues- something like that.

The details were rather sketchy and for the author of the blogpost English was most definitely not his first language. As a casual reader, Godard found many passages all but incomprehensible(like this: “the stupendous temple, there is hill down below and temple, so many come with angry and go away. Both angry and them”). As a language teacher who has been instilling in elementary school children for years a love for the English language (something quite hard to do with French kids, Godard would vouch), he found the writing deplorable.

But that’s not to say that he was ungrateful to that unknown blogger- after all it was the maximum information that he could obtain about the place where his father had visited more than 40 years ago.

**

This was the last night that Godard was staying in the Kollam town. He had thought of visiting the beach one last time but after the boat ride to Alleppey and back earlier in the day, he was too bushed to even get out of bed, let alone step out of the hotel, even if it were to go to the beach and enjoy a chilli baji from one of the street-side vendors.

The two times he has had it, he had enjoyed the oily delicacy tremendously, thinking how even though the French cuisine was considered one of the best in the world, his people still had a long way to go when it comes to street food.

No, not even the thought of the salivating taste of those bajjis could get him out of bed. Instead, he remained in his total room, wondering if the hotel where his father stayed in his visit was anywhere nearby. (He knew this hotel wasn’t it. This place- Nani Hotel was built not more than a decade ago.).

But tired though he was, thoughts about his father kept him awake for the large part of the night.

**

Even though Godard would turn 42 next month he couldn’t say that he knew his father all too well. He held Kieslowski responsible for the death of his mother. His father’s habit of abusing her contributed to the poor woman’s mental breakdown which eventually culminated in her death.

The rage was something that Godard harbored in his mind for a long time and not just that, tried to instill in his sister-his one and only sibling whenever he got the chance. But the fact that she was too young when all the abuses were suffered by her mother made this endeavor particularly.

But some part of her must have bought into what Godard told her for she never bothered keeping in touch with her father in her adult life-not any more than her brother. The fact that she fell in love and married a businessman whose IT firm had branches in Los Angeles and Sydney in addition to Paris, and moved away with him to Australia made this all the more easy.

Not so for Godard who remained in the same city as his father-Paris, and who would run into him occasionally when he gambled down to some pub on a weekend when he had nothing better to do(whenever he thought that reading any more romantic poets would make him downright sick).

But over the years Godard became pretty good at giving a cold shoulder to his old man- even on the couple of occasions when Kieslowski would try to break the ice and offer to buy him a pint.

And the shoulder remained cold until the old man’s illness.

The illness- the scientific name of which made Godard’s head hurt could be understood as a hastened senility, falling somewhere between dementia and mild paranoia. It also made the old man a particularly tiring person to care for. This was proven beyond any reasonable doubt on the multiple occasions when he tried to escape from the three different old age homes in which he was consigned.

It was after he threatened to kill a nurse at the third place using a butter knife – and tried he did- that Godard decided to take charge of caring for the old man himself. His sister who was cruising the Bahamas during this time said that she would send him as much money as he needed for the effort(“Or if you wish, we can have him in a plush place I know of in Sydney where he could go completely bonkers and they wouldn’t care-for they charge an arm, a leg and one of your tits for looking after the senile!”).

Thanking her, Godard declined her offer and told her that the sole reason of his call was to inform her that his father would be at his place from now on. “You know, just in case you wanted to reach out to him,” he added jokingly.

Godard went the extra mile to make his father’s stay at his two bedroom apartment atop a florist’s as pleasant as possible. The extra mile included setting up a balcony filled with potted flowers(thanks to the florist who lived in the apartment below who helped) and adding personal touches to the guest room like placing empty bottle of Chadon champaigne(his father’s favourite) on the sill.

If you had asked Godard why he did all this for someone whom he hated, he would simply have given you the answer, “Because he is my father and he doesn’t have anywhere else to go. But I still hate him.”

Such a complicated statement shouldn’t be construed as a sign that Godard’s was a complicated personality. On the contrary, a simpler person you couldn’t find in all of France. His enjoyments in life were limited to good books, the occasional bottle of red wine and listening to Franz Leist on moonlit nights-well, on some dark nights too.

And his philosophy about life was to “Do what you love and that’s it!”- a philosophy that was forged in the fiery depths of his mind in the aftermath of a failed love relationship with the girl who was sure he was going to marry

They met and fell in love with each other at the University when he was an English undergrad.

When the girl left him for a well-muscled hunk who didn’t “spend all time waxing lyrical about the lyrical prowess of Wordsworth rather than paying me the deserved attention” Godard was bedridden with an intense case of heart ache, his volume of Wordsworth’s Preludes his only salve. As for the engagement ring which she handed back to him, it would become part of the gifts that he gave to his younger sister years later at the time of her wedding.

Godard would recover from that heartache- as much as one could recover from a heart break and proceed to live a life as devoid of complications(which largely meant women) as possible.

The only complication, in fact, of his life was his relationship with his father. The man who stole his childhood, the man who died seven months ago, the man whose shit and pus he wiped clean for months even though he hated him, the man whose dying words were related to the story he has been mumbling about in the last days of his life- about his long forgotten visit to India, and the place called Karachal in Kollam.

**

“Is this Karachal?” Godard asked the bus conductor.

He had asked the conductor to please let him know when the bus reached Karachal. He had used the best British English that he could summon-what with India being an erstwhile British colony, he assumed that people might be more prone to understand that sort of English- the one he called ‘Stick- the- verb up- your- stiff- behind -English’.

But either he was mistaken on that front or this particular bus conductor was an exception to the rule.

The only reason Godard had bothered to ask if they had indeed reached the destination was because he happened to see a green board with the name of the place stenciled in yellow letterings.

The Karackal junction was just a small affair with a bakery, a provisionary store and a barber shop all in the radius of a few meters. Other than these there was a reasonably big banyan tree under which was a board that proclaimed ‘Auto Stand’. At the time though, there was only one autorikshaw parked in the stand.

The vehicle’s driver- a young man- was reading the newspaper with a smile on his face: as though the news he was reading was pleasant- perhaps, the price for petrol has come down or maybe God came down in person and proclaimed that when the time comes for the final judgment all auto rickshaw drivers would be spared, no questions asked.

Seeing no one else around(except for a really really old woman who looked at Godard from the bakery with bulging eyes as though struggling to determine if Godard were real or an apparition) Godard walked towards the auto driver.

When the driver looked up at the sound of the approaching footsteps Godard realized that he was younger than he first thought. The smooth dark skin, the radiant eyes and the headful of the blackest hair he has seen in a long time all belonged to someone on the south side of 25 years.

The smile on his face remained, giving Godard the impression that it was a permanent expression, as though the young man considered the entire proceedings of life as an elaborate joke.

“This is Karachal, isn’t it?” Godard said in the slowest possible tone without sounding like he was retarded. He was still not sure if the youth would understand him-even though almost all the shops he had seen in Kollam bore a sign in English- including the bakery opposite(“Malavika Bakery”) he has seen that the knowledge of English as a spoken language wasn’t great among everyone.

However, the youth seemed to understand him perfectly well as he nodded emphatically. What more, he even added, “Yes, this is Karachal, sir, what can I do for you?”

Heartened to be greeted by someone who could speak English well, Godard said, “Do you know where a Miss Susan lives!” Godard wasn’t entirely sure if the person he was seeking was now a missus or a miss. The decision to use ‘Miss’ was randomly made.

The youth had to think for just a moment before his smile broadened. “Oh, you are here to see Susan chechi? I know where she stays. I will take you to her!”

**

Godard was first alerted to Keislowski’s mumblings about “a certain Susan” by the maid he had appointed to take care of him while he was away at school.

As he neared the door of death, the old man’s ravings became wilder-like the one about “pigs in a refinery who went to the moon to shoot down the president” or “a lot of people bum naked on the beach, donuts emerging from their backsides”(the latter Godard attributed to a particularly bad dream the old man must have had after a bout of diarrhea-induced by bad donuts, of course).

Along with these, the mumblings about Susan of Kerala was also something which Godard himself heard. But it was only after the maid pointed it out that he noticed how more frequently he spoke about  Susan. More than that, he noticed how consistent he was about certain details- about the year when he visited Kollam- 1972, or the name of the place where Susan lived- Karachal and the colour of the nightie which Susan wore when he first met her at the hotel- light blue with white floral patterns running around the neck.

And as his health deteriorated, more details about the stories emerged- some fascinating, some appalling. Well, most of them appalling.

If Kieslowski’s mad sounding ravings were to be believed, Susan was a whore who seduced him and with whom he lived for months, spending most of his money in the process. Worse than that, he impregnated her- ‘an accident, a sheer accident’ as he puts it and the couple had an abortion(“or something like that”) and they buried the foetus in the backyard of Susan’s one-bedroom house.

**

“My name is Sastri, sir!” said the auto rikshaw driver. “Actually, my name is Mohan Kumar. Only, everyone calls me Sastri because I look so much like the old Indian cricketer- Ravi Sastri. Do you watch cricket, sir?”

When Godard said no, Sastri asked if he was not from England. And when Godard said France, he expressed his surprise, saying how “I thought you were from England, seeing how you have come to see Susan chechi.” Godard wondered why this would be.

“Yes, there is no cricket team from France, right, sir?” continued Sastri. “So, I don’t think you watch cricket. No, I don’t.” He spoke as though Godard had lied to him that he was an avid cricket fan. “But we here in India, we watch cricket, sir. We worship cricket. Tendulkar, Dhoni, Virat Kohli- you heard of them, sir?”

Godard had no idea what the driver was going on about. He assumed that the different names just mentioned were different maneuvers in Indian cricket- like the ‘scissors cut’ in soccer.

The ride from the auto rikshaw stand took just under 15 minutes but in that span of time he learned more about Sastri than he needed.

The auto driver, it turned out once worked as a tour guide with the tourism department for a while-that’s how he became “so good with the English language.” However, the pay was lousy and that’s why he switched to riding the auto. Godard also learned, among other things, that Sastri was the third of his parent’s three children, that his parents yearned for a baby boy and it was only after years of earnest prayers and special offerings at temples that the couple were able to conceive for the third time. He also came to know how as a young boy Sastri was used to call ‘Blackie’ not because of his dark skin(“Most of the people who called me that name were darker than me”, he said) but because he had a black mole on his back which everyone would see when he went to bathe in the temple pool.

Sastri gave Godard a real-life version of a case of severe information overload which is the bane of the internet age. But the Frenchman bore it all with equanimity given how he was pleased with the idea of the man taking him to Susan. During the ride, Godard did affirm that the Susan whom Sastri meant was the one who has worked abroad for many years. His father had left Kollam to France only when Susan told him that she got a job abroad and would be leaving soon. (He was pretty sure that his dad must have overstayed his visa duration, but details about such practicalities were never part of the dying Kieslowski’s mumblings).

“Should I wait, sir?” Sastri said once he dropped Godard off in front of Susan’s gate. Before Godard could reply, he added, “Yes, of course, I will wait. It is very hard to get autos from here!” Though he wasn’t sure if he was up for another fifteen minutes of his brain getting stuffed with random pieces of information about this person whom he just met, he complied- the labyrinthine alleyways which Sastri took to bring him here were sparsely populated. To make it back to the main road on his own could be what the poets of old might consider as “a fool’s errand that never goes well!”

“Okay,” saying so, Godard turned towards the gate to the two storied house with lions on either side of the gate standing as sentries. The roaring lions(even though the paint was flaking) were fitting enough for the fiery spirit of the Susan his father has spoke about, thought Godard as he pushed open the gate and walked towards the house.

It didn’t take long for Godard to realize that he had made a mistake.

For the woman who presented herself as Susan was someone who couldn’t have been more than 35. A little enquiry made matters clear – This Susan used to work in London for five years. It was rare for people from these parts-especially women to go abroad to places like England to work. When Godard asked for Susan, Sastri simply assumed that they must have known each other from her time in London.

And so he brought him here.

But as for finding the real Susan whom Godard sought, this Susan was helpless.

“Wait a minute, maybe father would know!” she said. A few minutes later she came once again to the door, this time with an old man who walked with much effort, using a walking stick.

Now the challenge that presented itself to Godard was to speak about Susan without explicitly stating that she used to be a harlot, or that his father lived with her in an year when his passion was at its height.

So he told them the story which he had made up just for such an occasion: “I am a writer working on my newest book. It’s about illegal transport of people to different places from third world countries. An entire section of the book is dedicated to the history of such enterprises. I have reasons to believe that one Miss Susan from Karachal was taken abroad in this manner.”

When the old man didn’t show any signs of remembering, he added that the person in question “had two children-if my sources are right. Twins at that. She was a single parent but as for her job, no one knew what she did exactly,” he added, hoping that it would be hint enough about the woman’s profession.

Whether it was the mention of the twins that did the trick, Godard wasn’t sure but the old man’s eyes lit up. The hand that held the walking stick shook a little.

“Yes, Susan.1Yes, I remember Susan! She used to live on the western side of the village!”

Around this time, his wife-who was working in the kitchen came around. Upon hearing her husband speak about Susan(in a tone that wasn’t exactly filled with animosity)she said, “You still cannot forget her, is it! Not even after having two full grown children one of whom even got divorced,” this she added looking at Susan. “Not even after you suffered a stroke! Oh, Jesus, how evil is man’s heart!”

Of course, Godard didn’t understand any of it since the woman spoke in Malayalam. But her wailing caught the attention of Sastri, who thinking that there was something wrong came rushing to the house.

“And who is this?” the woman said, pointing to Godard.

It was Susan who gave her the reply, “This is a writer who came looking for that Susan woman.” She then explained how Sastri made a mistake by bringing him to their home.

To say that Susan’s mother was quick tempered would be an under-statement for no sooner had her daughter informed her about Sastri’s folly than she sprang towards the auto driver like a vicious cat pouncing on a hapless mouse. “So you think just because my darling daughter is divorced, she has become a loose woman, have you? The only reason why she is no more married is that the person she was married to was an irresponsible fool! But what do such details mean to the people, huh? What?” She raised an accusing finger at Sastri who looked like he was ready to fade into thin air under the woman’s vicious attack.

“You people!”she screamed. “All you people assume that the girl is rotten, otherwise why should she walk away from a marriage? And that sort of a mindset shows exactly what’s wrong with this village, this city, this state, this whole country!” Without missing a beat, she added, “Don’t you have any shame in bringing some white man to our door, saying this house belongs to a slut! How dare you!”

The fact was that the woman had some spate with Sastri’s mother(something that developed when the two women had a fight when they met at a wedding where Sastri’s mother made some innocuous remark about Susan’s divorce which Susan’s mother took to be less than innocuous). Sastri had a feeling that the lady was taking out the anger towards his mother on him. But he didn’t get the chance to say so as the woman turned around and faced her husband with her eyes blazing with anger-“And you, how could you still remember that silly slut! After all these years, you still can’t get her out of your mind, can you!”

“Mother!” Visibly embarrassed, Susan called out. But either the woman didn’t hear her or thought nothing of it, instead she went on like a machine gun that spewed words instead of bullets- words designed to hurt the old man who looked like he was inching closer towards another stroke with every bullet/word that hit him.

Sastri, meanwhile thought this an opportune time to pull Godard out of there. Placing a hand on the whiteman’s shoulder he applied gentle yet firm pressure which made Godard finally take his eyes off Susan’s mother’s furious performance which he was watching with fascination.

“Why, what’s happening?” said Godard as he was being pulled way by Sastri.

“Nothing, sir. It’s just that the old woman has a couple of screws loose in her head,” he said, careful to keep his voice below the hearing range of the family they were leaving. “Also, there is some other house where the Susan that you mentioned lived. I couldn’t have known that, sir, because it all belongs in history, and I being a young man…” He let his words trail off into nothingness with a forced smile.

Godard nodded though he was unsure that he understood what was going on. Even as they were stepping out of the gate, he could still hear the machine gun going on in full swing behind him.

“So, that’s not Susan’s home?” he said to Sastri as they got into the auto rikshaw(Sastri got in, keyed in the ignition and pumped the hand pedal all in a single motion so fast that for a while that he was more of  blur than human).

“No, sir,’ Sastri said.

“Thank God for that!” exclaimed Godard, throwing one last look towards the house they were leaving behind. The old woman’s voice faded with distance but he saw a couple of neighbours running towards the house.

His arrival, he thought, wasn’t meant to stay a secret.

**

On the way to the real Susan’s house, Sastri kept apologizing for the mistake that he made.

At first, Godard found Sastri’s apologizing gentlemanly but soon it began to grate on his nerves, especially since he now knew that he wouldn’t get to meet Susan in the flesh- she has moved away and never come back, this much he surmised from Sastri’s speech which was part apologizing and part his attempt to make it clear that whatever happened happened not because of his mistake.

By the time they reached (the real) Susan’s house, Godard has had his fill of the guide. After paying him, he turned around, ready to walkyup to the house. But that’s when he noticed how much in disrepair that the house was in. The yard was overgrown with shrubs and there were a few tiles missing from the roof. Cracks were visible on the wall even from a distance and if the sounds were to be trusted, pigeons have taken residence on the roof.

A couple of tired looking stray dogs roared their heads from among the shrub at the sound of the auto rikshaw. The plots to the left and right of the house were empty, so the dogs were just about the only welcome that Godard got.

Godard had assumed that the House Where Once Susan Lived must now be the abode of someone else- perhaps one of her twin sons and his family. So he had expected a house renovated in the modern manner(for some reason, Keralites seem to like multiple storied houses even if there were just two or three people, he had noticed). He had thought that he would just drop in, introduce himself as a writer and state his ‘writerly objective’- maybe they would allow him to spend some time in and around the house. What that would have accomplished, he wasn’t sure but he couldn’t just leave without at least dropping by now that he has come all the way here, could he?

But such considerations didn’t bother him now that he saw how the house has evidently not been lived in for a long time- perhaps not since Susan left for the Gulf.

“Does no one live here anymore?” he asked Sastri.

Shastri shook his head. “We- me and my friends used to play cricket in this yard when we were kids. But I never knew who this house belonged to. All I knew was that the house belonged to someone who left Karachal a long time ago,” he added with a chuckle. “But even if she was still here, Mr.Godard, she would be old. Why you need an old woman?” he asked with a malicious grin.

Godard explained to him about the writerly angle. At the end of the explanation, he still wasn’t sure if Sastri had bought it- there was the malicious edge still to his smile.

“Do you think I can stay here for a few days?” said Godard, partly because the idea suddenly popped into his head and partly because he wanted to change the topic. “I would pay the rent to the concerned, of course,” he added. “I am sure some of Susan’s relatives are still around. Maybe I can pay them the rent.”

Sastri found this turn of events very much to his liking. Ever since Godard had landed in Karachal, he has seen a couple of holidays in the immediate future. The thing was that riding an auto rikshaw- even though more lucrative than being a tourist guide was still not all that great. At least, not great enough to help him take a couple of days off and go somewhere-maybe even hear what some tourist guide might have to hear about some place he has never been to before.

Now, Godard offered that possibility. He has already charged him for the ride to (the not real) Susan’s house thrice the amount of what he would charge from a non-foreigner. If he played the cards right, there was  a possibility that he could bring about those holidays yet.

“I don’t think that there are any relatives of this Susan here anymore,” he said, and just so that he could bring in a touch of realism, he added, “But I will check all the same. Don’t you worry. But the house doesn’t look like it’s in any condition for someone to stay- not even for a few days!”

Fifteen minutes later Godard found himself in a small tea shack having coffee and piping hot chillie bajjis- not as great as the ones he had at the beach but still nice enough. He was asked to wait there by Sastri who said he would in the meantime “Check for sure that there are any relatives of Susan that I could find! The oldest person in the village lives very nearby and he has still the sharpest mind around. He is even the secretary of the village library even though he is over 90 years old. Can you believe it!”

What Sastri actually did in the meantime was go into a bakery and have an egg puffs and a banana, and a Pepsi. He called home and told his mother than he wouldn’t be home for lunch, he has got an urgent ride.

Some five minutes after Godard finished the last of his bajjis, Sastri was back.

**

Godard was impressed by the way the auto driver arranged everything in so short a span of time- workers cleared the lawn and the backyard of shrubs(and in the process killed two snakes that made residence of the unpeopled lot). Assuring Godard that it was all cool, Sastri broke the rusty lock on the door with a piece of rock- with lesser effort than it would have required to open it with a key. A woman was arranged to clean up the interior, meanwhile one of the workers-after finishing clearing the shrubs replaced the missing tiles on the roof.

The upshot was that by five in the evening the house was clean enough for habitation. The water in the old well in the backward was far from drinking quality but it could be used for toiletries. There was no electricity so Sastri made the requisite arrangements – in the form of a paraffin lamp and a couple of candles.

Godard knew that Sastri- who dealt directly with the workers regarding the payments and also for procuring the various materials required to make the house habitable, was overcharging him. But had he known by what margin it would be done,he may have gone back without staying in the small house even for a single day.

As it was, come night and Godard found himself lying on a mattress on the floor of this slightly eerie house. The eeriness was largely due to the strange shadows that the paraffin lamp threw on the roof and the walls. It was also due to the prospect of a fetus being buried in the backyard so long ago.

In his readings, Godard has come across enough ghost stories to know that sometimes unborn spirits can be the most dangerous things in the world.

But all in all, Godard went to sleep feeling more pleased with himself than scared. For here he was, in the same place that his father came to all those years ago as a young man. He could well imagine his dad screwing that woman in this very same room as the twins lied (hopefully) asleepin the kitchen.

“Bastard! What a bastard!” he muttered.

He was planning to do some digging around in the backyard tomorrow night. Supposing that the location of the burial site that his father gave in his mumblings was correct(by the coconut palm that stood next to the well, right next to the base of the wellhe would find out for himself that his father was a greater bastard than he had ever thought.

As an anti-foeticide activist, there was no other way he could react to such a situation.

**

Godard didn’t join the ‘Life for the foetus!’(LFF) NGO on his own volition.

As a lifelong stag with minimal interest in such things as courtship and romance-let alone a family life he had no opinion about feticide one way or the other.

It’s just that there was this lady teacher in his school once who, like him lived a life on her own-being a multiple divorcee with a serious drinking problem. On weekends(sometimes on weekdays too) it they would to hang out together at the pub. From the outset of the relationship itself the lady teacher made it clear that she had no intention of getting romantically involved with anyone again. Which was perfectly fine with Godard too(though he doubted that he would have found anything romantic in her permanently red rimmed eyes and yellow teeth and sour breath even if she were open to romance).

On one particularly cold Sunday afternoon, she called upon him and said that they should be going somewhere else instead of the pubs all the time. “Of course, we should go to the pub, but after going somewhere else! What do you say?”

Now, the lady had the eccentricity common enough to all drink addicts-which is to give in easily to the numerous whims and fancies of the mind. So, Godard wasn’t at all surprised by her proposal . But he couldn’t have guessed the destination she had in mind.

He had assumed that she meant the mall, or a movie or maybe even a restaurant. So when they ended up in the meeting room of an NGO which he didn’t even know existed in his neighborhood, he was surprised. The meeting was sparsely attended, and that too mostly by elderly women. In fact, aside from a thin man with a reed-like frame who introduced himself as the meeting’s convener Godard was the only male specimen in the entire room.

I am never going to come here again, he thought as the convener began talking about such things as the ‘Sacredness of all life-even the one in the belly’ and ‘The rule of the law must not supersede the rule of the heart.’

But the more the convener spoke, the more Godard became hooked, bringing him to a mindset akin to the one he got when he used to attend the Sunday mass at the church- a habit he lost around the time when his betrothed left him for a muscled hunk who liked Chaucer less than he did.

Before long, Godard became regular attendant at these meetings. And not just that he even started volunteering for the protests and awareness campaigns which the NGO organized.

It was not that Godard found a personal connect to the cause. The closest he has come to such an issue on a personal front was when a pupil of his asked for the English word for foetus(kids these days are smart that way). But the fact was that the NGO-one with a singular mission(to enable all fetuses to live!) gave him something which he didn’t know was missing in his life- a purpose. A higher purpose than mere survival, that is.

The truth was that instead of ‘LFF’, had his lady friend brought him to an organization that was dedicated to finding the truth about all these UFO sightings that you hear about in the media, he would have taken that as a purpose in life and given his soul and body over for it.

But it was to the LFF that she brought him.She left the school(expelled, actually, for coming to class drunk and calling a pupil “terrible terms unbecoming for a teacher” according to the principal) just a few weeks after she introduced him to the LFF. But Godard stuck it out with the NGO, even going on to become the Paris chapter’s treasurer.

However, if Godard were to be truly honest with himself, he would tell you that he didn’t need to be an LFF member to call his father a bastard if/when he found evidence of a fetus that was buried in Susan’s backyard.

**

The day after his first night at Susan’s, Godard woke up to the sound of birds cooing. Sastri had told him that a few acres of land behind the house belonged to the Government school that was half a kilometer down from the house. The school apparently had not yet found any use for the land which remained empty, filled with trees and the birds that made them their residence.

It was also to this land that Sastri had pointed when Godard asked the previous day where to do his toiletries. The plumbing in the house was faulty and even Sastri couldn’t find anyone who could fix it in short notice. The empty land behind the house was filled with enough shrub to give him cover, but still, unused as he was to such endeavors, it was with shyness that he got to it.

But once he relieved himself, Godard found his mood improving.

On his way back to the house, he checked out the area around the well. Of course, he knew that a simple inspection of the surface wouldn’t reveal anything, but he couldn’t help it.

“Oh, there you are!”

Sastri’s voice startled him. The auto driver- in his khaki uniform stood at the back door, his slick hair combed to one side , the perennial smile on his face. Godard wondered how long he was there and had he seen him get to his business behind the shrubs?

“I found the front door open. You should be careful. Not that there is any problem of robbers  in these parts, but you should be careful, what do you say?”

The question was mere rhetoric. Walking down to him, Sastri added, “So, where do you want to go today?” Seeing the perplexed expression on the white man’s face, he said, “I know you must be bored sitting here all alone. There are interesting places to see in Karachal.”

One of these interesting places, he said was a bridge that was built during the British rule. “Built by your neighbors, sir! More than a century old. The bridge is not used anymore. Is collapsed more or less. But the surrounding areas are beautiful. Stream and greenery and all- you can take photos, sir, You have camera, no?”

The second place he mentioned was an old temple where the principal deity was a fearsome Devi. Legend has it that if you are angry at someone, you could tell the Devi about it and if the goddess thinks that the anger is justified, that it pertains to dharma, then she  would see to it that the soul at which you are angry would get punished.

Godard was not a religious person. But perhaps owing to the interesting legend he did find the latter place Sastri mentioned rather interesting.

However, he wasn’t thinking of going anywhere.

“Not today.”

Sastri appered surprised by this response. “Sir, what would you do all day long here on alone.”

“I think I would do some reading,” said Godard. “The breeze that comes in from there”- he pointed to the empty piece of land where he just did his toiletries, “makes  the room so much cooler if you leave the window open. And there is no better place to read a good book than a room in which the temperature is controlled so well naturally.”

Godard was no connoisseur of jokes(his own reading habit veered towards the more serious and philosophical literatures) but what he just said, he didn’t even rate to be on the scale of comedy. However, Sastri seemed to have a different take on the matter. He laughed out loud- a deep sonorous sound as though he were a blue whale that happened to walk the earth.

“Oh, sir, you are such a comedian!”

Godard hoped that that was meant as a compliment. The sound of Sastri’s laughter made him uncomfortable, unsure as he was whether the auto driver was laughing at his joke or at him.

They agreed upon a time at which Sastri was to come tomorrow to pick him up(9 in the morning) to go to the temple. But before leaving Sastri brought him some breakfast from a restaurant not ten minutes away. “You shouldn’t stay hungry when you are in our land, sir,” he said. He charged Godard thrice what the food actually cost though the Frenchman still found the price considerably cheap.

After Sastri left and he breakfasted, Godard spent some time-about five minutes, actually just walking in and around the house. In many a novel that he has read, he has read about how people got sentimental or got indescribable feelings while at a place where something pivotal had happened to one of their ancestors- in this case, Godard’s father.

Writers of such novels –if they were of a metaphysical bent of mind usually ascribed this phenomenon to the capacity of the ether to store ‘vibrations’ of events that happened long ago. If that was indeed the case, the ether around these parts was so not capable, thought Godard. For comparison, if the ether around these parts was a USB, it could hardly hold a JPEG image, let alone a whole movie.

For not only did he not get any indescribable feelings he was also feeling downright bored. It was to soak up the ‘vibration’ that he lied to Sastri that he would prefer spending the day alone reading- something that he regretted now.

“I should have gone sightseeing,” he muttered, looking at the cracks in the wall which evoked no feelings in him whatsoever.

Sastri had given him his phone number. So he could call him. Indeed, he almost called the driver but then changed his mind at the last moment- the auto driver has been most helpful and he was grateful for that- particularly for this opportunity to stay in this house, which made his intended investigation all the more plausible. But still, being a lifelong loner who prided in his independence, he wasn’t completely comfortable with too much of a dependency.

No, let me go and buy a shovel instead, he thought.

There was a small shop that sold farming utensils in Karachal itself- Godard had seen the shop last day on the ride to (the not real) Susan’s home. And a nice little walk it would have been too. But he didn’t want to give the people any reason for suspicion. After all, what explanation could he give for buying a shovel if someone were to ask him?

So it was that he went to Kottiyam- the nearest town(he made sure that Sastri’s auto was not at the Karachal junction while he boarded the bus). As far as small towns went Kottiyam was a decently busy place- plenty of shops, a lot of eateries and a reasonably steady traffic on the highway. Though Godard liked the quiet and solitude that Karachal offered, he realized that he could use a little time away from that and so he had a second breakfast(the first one that Sastri brought him was extremely light) and an orange juice. He roamed around the town for a while until the heat became so much that he began to think of Daante’s Inferno.

After asking a third person, he was directed to the shop where he could buy a shovel.

There wasn’t nothing on the woman at the shop’s neutral face to suggest that she was overcharging Godard for the shovel. But by this point, Godard had come to take it for granted that he was going to be over-charged for anything that he cared to buy.

Not bothering to bargain with the woman(he wanted to keep his shovel-buying activity as low key as possible), he paid her what she asked for and walked out of the shop. Almost immediately he got into an autorikshaw. Half an hour later, he was back home, reading a book, the newly acquired shovel leaning against the wall beside him.

The cool breeze had stopped and electricity being not available, Godard felt the heat all too well. He was planning to use the shovel late this night. Until then, he didn’t have anything better to do but read.

He could hardly wait to see what his investigation would turn up in the night.

If he could conclude the investigation tonight, he decided, he would leave Susan’s home the next morning.

**

Godard was an atheist but there was a moment when even he thought that God was on his side on this night. For the sky was so devoid of stars or the moon and was so dark that it would give the blackest of metal music(the kind which the teen son of his neighbors back in Paris blasted off his music system) a run for its money. It was as though God was giving him the best possible cover to carry out his investigation.

But the presence of the dark clouds also meant that the atmosphere was sultry, almost unbearably so. This made Godard sweat like a pig though it’s not yet been more than five minutes since he started digging.

But tiring though the process was, he didn’t stop digging, not even to take a short break- though his lungs would have benefited from the process(Once I get back to Paris, I must start visiting a gym, he thought). He just hoped that the location of the burial site that his father gave was right, and he kept digging, digging, digging until…

Until the shovel hit metal.

Needless to say this had Godard excited. Flicking on his penlight he shone the light at what he hit. He took a few digs with his hands to reveal what it was- an old college badge. Even though the badge was tarnished with age, Godard had no difficulty in recognizing the coat of arms embossed on the badge- the insignia of the college where his father went. He now saw that the badge had some heavily decayed threads attached to it and putting two and two together, Godard realized what had happened- the fore’s needed to be wrapped in a piece of cloth before it was buried, and to keep the cloth in place, Godard-or maybe Susan, used the badge to pin it in place.

And there were tell tale signs of a fleshy mass being buried here too. Godard had read up on enough forensic books before coming to this ‘expedition’ to know that there has definitely been a burial here.

His father was a bastard, he thought. He was a bastard even as a young man fresh out of the college on his first trip to India!

If he had expected some sort of contentment with this realization, he was disappointed. For his heart felt as empty as the yawning dark of the sky above.

**

The sound of heavy knocking on the door brought Godard awake from a sleep that was filled with disturbing dreams featuring a dead fetus talking, incredibly long walks across scorching desert sand(probably a symbol of the overwhelming heat in Kerala in March), a slithering reptile with a grinning expression(probably a symbol for his father),a  dead fetus talking, a sensation of intensely parched throat, a clock that had stopped ticking(a symbol of his boredom in Susan’s home?) and gain, a dead fetus talking.

His wristwatch, which was the first thing that Godard checked upon coming awake was ticking though. And he was surprised to see that it wasn’t even eight yet.

Then what the hell was Sastri doing here so early? They had agreed the previous day that Sastri would come pick him up at nine.

Swearing in French under his breath, trying in vain to rub the weariness out of his eyes, he ambled his way to the door.

The weariness disappeared from his eyes soon as he opened the door and saw who stood there- an old but dignified looking woman in a blue and white cotton saree. Sunlight bounced off her horn-rimmed glasses and she clutched her travel bag quite casually by her side.

With a long forehead and wide but intelligent eyes, she had the look of someone who might be a school teacher. Godard’s first thought was that she might be a teacher at the government school that was further down from the house.

Maybe this house has been rented out to her. Maybe Sastri did one on him by getting money from him when all this while, the place has been rented by this woman.

“Who are you?” Her authoritative tone was becoming of a school teacher too, Godard noticed.

“I…” Godard wasn’t sure what to say. After a few moments in which his mind cleared itself of sleep’s last cobwebs , he gathered his thoughts and said, “I am a writer.”

The woman didn’t seem impressed by this. She may be a teacher but not a teacher of literature, thought the Frenchman.

“Yes, but what are you doing in my home?” she said in the kind of English that he heard whenever he travelled in London- the kind of English which sounded cute for a while before starting to grate on his nerves- all it took was a couple of pints to hear the real tone of that English.

But the woman who stood before him was distinctly Indian. So, she has been living in London?

But more than the accent it was what she said that had the biggest impact on him. ‘My home’, she had said.

“So, you are Susan?”

For the first time the woman had an expression that wasn’t one of easy determination. With surprise in her eyes she asked, “Who are you?”

Godard almost gave her his cover story of being a writer, having trained himself to respond in that manner. However, realizing who it was he was talking to, he said, “ I am Godard. I am Keislowski’s son.”

He mentioned Kieslowski’s name as though she should be familiar with it, as she should have been.

But the name didn’t bring any sign of recognition on her face. If anything, it deepened her confusion.

“Who is Keislowski?” she said. Like her brows, her words too were creased with confusion.

“Well..the Frenchman…” said Godard.

Susan shook her head. Not light went on inside her brain.

“The one who came here many many years ago..” Godard said.

Still no sign of recognition on Susan’s face.

Feeling a little exasperated, Godard whispered, “The one with whom you buried an unborn child in the backyard of this very house.”

That brought the recognition, alright. Susan’s eyes widened and her brows shot up as though they were ready to go through the roof of her forehead.

But once the surprise abated, her face broke into a smile which surprised Godard. He had expected the woman to be shocked or even a little sad. He should have known better.

“Oh, old Keilu has a son!” she exclaimed, the Indian accent edging back into her voice- true accents are intricately bound with the truest expressions.

“Keilu?”

“Oh, yes, that’s what I used to call him!” Susan giggled like a little girl. Stepping into her home, she placed a hand on his shoulder. “Let me just touch you,” she said though she already did touch him. “Let me see that you are real. I cannot believe that Keilu has a son. The things that he told me that time, you wouldn’t believe! Like how it was a mistake and he was someone who never ever wanted a child, he swore that he was not going to have a child in his life.”

“Well, I don’t think he changed much,” muttered Godard. “Though he had a child- children, actually, whether he truly wanted them or not is still open to debate.”

Susan laughed. “I see that you have a sense of humour, which unfortunately your father didn’t.”

“So..I thought that you were away. Abroad.”

“I happened to have returned today of all days. Would you believe it?!” there was a certain girl like glee in her voice which could have been indicative of a remaining innocence or a past as a harlot, Godard couldn’t decide which.

“Get outta here!”he said.

“No, really!”

And they both laughed.

**

One of the items in Susan’s travel bag was a small coffee maker which ran on battery. Along with this was coffee powder with which she fixed two cups of coffee(plastic glasses that Sastri had brought with the breakfast the other day served as cups).

Seated on the bare floor of the house’s living room/bedroom/study/sleeping room/, Godard and Susan enjoyed the coffee, as much as anyone could enjoy sugarless black coffee on a hot day.

“I first went to Dubai. From there, Singapore. After three years serving men who behaved like they were dragons, I got the opportunity to go to London. I will spare you the details of how I got that opportunity or what I did in London for the bulk of the thirty years I spent there. Suffice to say that, after all these decades, I have now enough to come back and settle in my own homeland, though my relatives have disowned me. Hell, even my two sons-once they could stand on their own feet, disowned me. But I have no qualms- they both have good lives, married and with kids, a good job…”

Such details made Godard want to puke- anything related to blissful family lives had this effect on him- one reason why he didn’t watch Disney movies.

Susan went on in  a somber tone about her hardship working abroad- though she never dwelled into the details, about  the way she became a diligent follower of the news once she left home-she who used to give news the same significance as a garbage bin into which someone puked-so that she could know all the things that were happening in Kerala, and about how even though she had led a life of vice, she didn’t have any remorse for she did “what I had to do to raise my two kids.”

In other words, she spoke about just about everything except Kieslowski’s visit and the burial of the fetus.

When Godard brought the topic up, she remarked in an offhand manner, “Ah, yes, your father did impregnate me. We were both careless, and we did bury the fetus. Keilu gave me almost all the money that he had. Though to be honest, he didn’t have to. I would have done just about anything he asked, I really did love him.”

“But you left him,” Godard said. “You were the one who said you were going abroad, so he must leave, isn’t that right?”

After just the briefest hesitation, Susan said, “As I said, I had to do what it took to bring up my two kids. Besides, besides, I knew that Keilu deserved someone better than me. Way better. He was handsome, educated.”

“A prick,” said Godard without much emotion.

A sad smile appeared on her face.

Godard wasn’t sure if what she said was true- about her truly loving his father once, she who couldn’t even remember his name when he mentioned it! But Godard has never been a good judge of human character. A he never was under any illusion that he was a good judge of character- at least, not since a certain girl whom he judged to be his lover betrayed him.

So, he let her remarks about her true love be.

“I hope you didn’t find this…intrusion of mine rude,” he said.

“On the contrary, I am delighted that you are here. But I would like to meet this Sastri character you mentioned. I cannot think of whose son he might be -I reckon I would know most men in this village of his father’s generation.” She winked. “Even though I am happy that you stay here, I still think it’s rude to just rent someone else’s house without the owner’s knowledge, don’t you think?”

“I guess he is just someone trying to make a few bucks when the opportunity strikes, just like everyone else in the world,” said Godard. He didn’t wish anyone to come to any trouble on his behalf, though he did think that Sastri was a bit too ambitious in renting this house to him.

“All the same, I had a good two days’ stay in here.” When he added that he intended to leave Karachal this day, Susan insisted that he stayed in the house for a couple of more days. “We will have a lot of stories to share, I am sure,” she said with that school girl’s delight which he has recognized was part of her being.

Godard wasn’t sure that he wanted to share any stories with her, or wanted to hear any more stories about his father from her, for that matter. Instead he simply said, “I think I have done what I came here to do. Way better than I thought would be possible.”

**

Despite her protestations he insisted that he must leave that very day. “I have a couple of other places to visit before I leave for France,” he said.

While he was getting dressed(in the kitchen) he heard the voice of the auto driver calling out his name from the front yard. He was greeted by Susan- that too he heard, and also the conversation that ensued. Well, not exactly a conversation since it was rather one-sided. He heard Susan talking, her words flowing rapidly from her mouth like bullets from a machine gun- it seems that’s how Malayali women spoke when they were angry. He heard Sastri trying to edge in a few words and being elbowed out ruthlessly by Suasan’s ever-rising voice.

Since Susan’s barrage was in Malayalam he didn’t understand a single word of what she said. But from the tone of her voice he could tell that she was not exactly singing a love-poem to Sastri.

He is probably getting the rap for letting me stay here, thought Godard as he came out of the kitchen, all dressed and ready to leave.

And as soon as he came out into the living room/bedroom/every-room-other-than-the-kitchen Susan stopped talking. Turning her attention from Sastri whose expression made him look like he was ready to melt and become one with the ground, she offered Godard the sweetest of smiles. The transition of her expression from rigid severity to beautiful smile almost made Godard laugh.

On Sastri’s behalf he apologized for the trouble that they had caused her.

“No, no, you didn’t cause me any trouble!” she said. “And you did make the house and the surroundings better-cleaner.”

Then why did you give Sastri the verbal-treatment? he thought.

As he was leaving, he wondered again if what she said earlier- about loving his father in the truest sense was true.

**

Sastri remained rather quiet in the auto- something that Godard found as weird as a bird singing without any sound. He was still flummoxed by whatever Susan had said. The phrase “Harlot’s tongue” came to Godard’s mind.

To lighten up the mood, Godard said, “So, Sastri, tell me about this place where we are going.”

Sastri cleared his throat repeatedly as though he was on stage and was about to start singing. But he didn’t take his eyes off the road.

“No one really knows when the temple was built,” he said. “Some say in the 16th century, others 15th. The only sure thing is that it is really, really old.”

“Ok,” said Godard, wanting to encourage the driver to speak on. Silence, he found was so unbecoming on the driver.

“There used to live in these parts two feudal families- landlords to whom belonged practically all of the village and everything in it. It is said that some dispute arose between the two families- the reason for which remains unknown. And battle ensued. One of the families began to gain the upper hand and it became clear that the other family would lose everything that they had. And that’s exactly what happened. They lost everything, including their reputation. Ruined, the surviving members of the family became lowly farmers, working the land which now belonged to the family that beat them.

“It was during this time that a vagrant black magician came to the village. He was given residence for the night at a farmer’s house- the same house where the ruined ones lived. Upon hearing their story he asked him, ‘Do you still hold grudge against them? Are you still angry at them?’ to which they said, ‘Of course.’

“To thank for their hospitality he asked them to erect a shrine. He knew the requisite mantras so that the soul of a certain goddess would come down from its godly abode and reside in the shrine. This goddess was an ancient goddess of anger-someone who valued people’s righteous anger and avenged them. But the goddess would only avenge if she thought that the anger is righteous- that it pertains to dharma.”

“So, if you are angry at a dead soul, will it still work?” said Godard after a moment of reflection.

Sastri looked at his passenger in the mirror. “Yes, I can’t see what the problem would be.”

**

The shrine stood at the top of a small hillock- an easy climb which could be finished in under 10 minutes. To one side of the hillock was a cashew nut processing factory which spewed smoke that floated across the hillock, all the way up to the shrine. So, Godard had to breathe in a little char as he thought about the anger that burnt within people, standing in front of the goddess who was a bit tarnished with age.

Only, he couldn’t find any burning anger for his dad within his heart. Not at this moment.

The goddess held various objects in her multiple hands-almost all of them weapons, ranging from a cudgel to a long sword. Her eyes were wide open and so was her mouth- suspended in a frozen scream. Her teeth were sharp edged like that of a shark and the diadem on her head had a skull shaped encrusting rather of anything mellow.

If there was any goddess who could go all the way to the land of the dead and drag his father out from there and give him a good beating, it was her.

“But isn’t it a pity that I cannot summon up any anger towards the old man!”

“Did you say anything, sir?”

Godard didn’t realize that he has spoken aloud, not until Sastri asked the question.

“Nothing, Sastri.” Godard looked at the goddess again.

I don’t know if the anger that I have had towards my dad has disappeared for good, he thought. Maybe it will resurface at a later period- maybe when his next birthday comes around-which is next month, or maybe at his death anniversary when I will think about all the sadness he inflicted on his kids and my dead mother – his stale legacy, then maybe, I will boil over with anger once again.

But right now, for whatever reason I am at peace.

Godard held that thought in his mind. I am at peace.

He couldn’t help but smile. The goddess looked ferociously back at him.

The Unholy Amman

Minaskhi is a counter-girl.

Not a counter-cultural girl, mind you, for she would never ever do anything that went against the rich Tamil social traditions. In fact, if you want to get technical, she shouldn’t be called a counter-girl at all. Because at 53 years of age, she was no more a girl than anyone’s grandma.

But counter-girl was the technical name that was given to her profession and so notwithstanding other technicalities including her age, she is a counter-girl.

More precisely, she is a counter-girl at the footwear counter in the Minaskhi Amman Kovil- a temple that gets more visitors per day than you could shake a stick at, a large number of whose footwear pass through the hands of Minakshi and one other girl(this one, at 19 years, more of an actual girl) who together manned the counter.

Maybe it’s not the most glamorous of jobs but Minakshi wasn’t complaining. For one thing, she found it way better, and more well paid than any of her previous jobs- which included working as a seamstress at a small fabric company and a cook at a local restaurant where the only things spicier than the food they made were the patrons’ complaints about the food.

Also, she has been a lifelong devotee of Minakshi Amman- the deity of the temple where she worked. She wasn’t so much of a devotee that she would consider handling the sandals of the Amman’s devotees to be a blessing. But still, she found it a privilege to assist in whatever way possible to keep the temple neat and tidy.

And yes, there was also the tiny reality that her household could use with her income. As a truck driver, her husband Kumaran brought in some money, but some money was never truly enough- not in these days when you have to spend a lot to buy some.

There was her son, Rajesh who has vowed he would never get married and so was more than willing to give all his income for the family- not that he made a lot working as a mechanic in a local garage, but still..However, Minakshi wasn’t willing to make him spend a lot for his parents’ sake. She wanted him to have a family of his own. He was already 30 years old and though so far he had resisted her attempts to get him married , she was positive that that Amman has a beautiful girl waiting somewhere for him, and when the time is ripe, he would meet her, fall in love and get married.

More or less like how his younger sister fell in love with someone and got hitched- a marriage that Minakshi was only too happy about, a marriage that had her daughter living happily at Puducherry with her husband and two kids.

All in all, it wasn’t all that bad a life that Minakshi had.

**

Minakshi lied awake in the bed, weary from a day long of work.

The work couldn’t be said to be too strenuous but it did involve a lot of standing and walking around and at her age her legs craved rest more than exercise.

Even though weary, she found it hard to sleep- something that happened whenever she was alone in bed. Kumaran was away on a ride-this time carrying a load of fabric to Haryana. He would be back in another two or three days.

Having crossed the mark of menopause, she wasn’t exactly super-active sexually and it wasn’t for want of sex that she craved her husband now. Rather, it was for the warmth of his chest- a peculiar form of warmth for which she has developed an affinity in more than 3 decades of married life.

Further restlessness was caused by the fact that Rajesh too wasn’t home- he had gone to Thirunalveli to attend a friend’s bachelor party and would be home only tomorrow.

A few robberies reported in the neighborhood of late. Madurai has been around for more than two centuries, and there probably has been robberies throughout all that time, thought Minakshi for whom the city if her birth-the city where she has spent all her life meant so much more than just a physical space- it was the spiritual core of her life. She believed it a blessing to have been born and be living in Madurai.

A robbery wasn’t going to change that opinion but it certainly caused her some distress. But the distress of devotees was something that the Amman was good at taking away. So, Minakshi hoped that the disturbing thought of some lowly thief barging into her humble household in the midst of the night when she was all alone would also be taken away by the Amman, so that she could finally go to slumber land.

However, there was yet another thing that was kept the flames of her distress blazing: A certain thought that hadn’t visited her in a long time. A thought that was spurred by the absence of her husband.

For it was on a day like this, when Kumaran was away that it happened….

**

They were married for about two years at that point of time.

Minakshi was still not used to him being away for long periods- sometimes for weeks on end.

Kumaran had arranged for a girl from the neighborhood to come and sleep over so that his wife wouldn’t be alone in the night. The girl was of  school going age, which meant she couldn’t be there with Minakshi during the daytime.

So Minakshi wondered who it would be who was knocking on her door.

She was in the kitchen preparing some curry- her culinary skills hardly as refined as it would get later with time. She came to the small living room and opened the front door.

The salesman who stood there was young- not more than 25 years of age. And as soon as his eyes fell on her, he could see that the woman was in heat. She breathed rapidly as though she was running even when as she stood still. And her eyes strayed to his crotch, probably without her being aware of the fact.

The fact that he was neatly tucked in made it that much harder for her to keep her eyes in check. And her lips-they pouted like a flower with a mind all of its own, as if whispering “Take me!”

What made the young salesman knock on the door of her humble abode, she didn’t know. There was nothing in the appearance of the house that suggested that whoever lived in the house would have an expendable enough income to buy the science encyclopedias that the salesman sold. Particularly true when the house was contrasted with some of the other-wealthier houses in the neighborhood.

But knocked he did and she opened the door. Not just that, she listened his sales pitch-which was interleaved with glances towards her body parts that made her shiver. And when he asked if he could come in so that he could show her in detail the various pictures and the quality of the book, she let him in. Closing the door, she invited him to take a seat on one of the plastic chairs, herself taking the one beside him.

From the chairs, it didn’t take them long to move into the bed. They made love thrice that day and the first two times she came- which was a far better ratio than what she got with her husband.

Though the salesman appeared at her door at around 11, it was almost 5 by the time he left.

When he asked her if they could meet again, she firmly declined. She was already regretting what she did- and not just because his condom broke when they had sex the third time, spilling his seeds in her.

She had went to the bathroom soon after and had a pee- as much as she could will herself to pee. She hoped that that would expel whatever semen might have gotten into her. She cried in the bathroom, thinking of the betrayal she just committed, wondering what came over her, wondering how she would be able to face Kumaran again.

It turned out that she could face him well enough, for two days later when Kumaran returned home there was nothing in his wife’s demeanor to suggest that anything was amiss. And as soon as he got home, they made love- passionate love the kind of which couples remember for a long time to come.

Around ten months later, she gave birth to her firstborn- Rajesh.

So, the thought that visited her on the night when 53 year old Minakshi lied in her bed feeling restless was a question that she hasn’t been able to answer conclusively: Was Rajesh truly her husband’s child?

**

Resemblances could be found if you went looking for them.

And Minakshi found plenty of them between the facial profiles of her son and her husband. But they were never truly conclusive enough to be called as proof. For there were also differences- like the broader set of eyes or the longer forehead that the young one had, so much unlike Kumaran.

And though, throughout the first years since her child’s birth, she worried about someone having some suspicion, with the passing of years, and with the birth of her second child(definitely Kumaran’s) the worries began to fade away.

By and by she almost made herself believe that Rajesh was indeed Kumaran’s. After all, there was no proof to the contrary, was there?

But there is a difference between almost believing something and believing something- and that was something Minakshi would re-learn over and over again whenever the old question poked its head in her mind like an ugly mole from a hole.

**

By the time Minakshi appeared at work the next day, she had forgotten all about the question. The thing was, it was hard to keep any thought in mind while you incessantly served the customers’ demands of dropping off and getting back their footwear.

And for once, Minakshi was thankful for the rush.

While she considered it a good thing that so many devotees came to see the Amman in all her glory, she sometimes wondered about the dharmic logic behind the idea of so many devotees translating to so much work for her.

But not this day. This day, she was quite happy to have her mind occupied by the task of placing the footwear on the racks, the giving the customers a token-basically, a piece of cardboard on which was written the rack number, or giving the footwear back to the customer against a token. Redundant work, no doubt but sometimes there’s nothing like redundant work to keep the unwanted thoughts in check.

“Madam!”

The man’s voice- firm and clear stood out from among other voices.

It was the other girl who served him as Minakshi hurriedly checked a message that popped in her cell phone. By the time she looked up, the girl had already kept the man’s footwear in a rack and was in the process of carrying the token to him.

But one look was enough to send shivers down Minakshi’s spine.

The man had done something that her body had failed to do- he had aged gracefully. Except for the gray hairs and slightly sagging cheeks he appeared not much different from when she had met him the first-and the only time.

His eyes strayed towards her, settled on her face  but before he could take a closer look, she turned away, hurried to the staff washroom from where she returned a full half an hour later.

A new question popped in her mind. ‘Has he seen me?’

Her heart beat with the power of a racehorse- a power which her body could hardly withstand.

Minakshi  took an early lunch break that day. Her hope was that by the time she returned from lunch, the man would have come and collected his footwear. People rarely stayed too long within the temple- what with the crowds it could get somewhat claustrophobic, especially on a Sunday. And long experience (she has been a counter-girl for over ten years now) has shown her that someone who deposited his footwear almost always returned in an hour or so.

‘Yes, he should be gone by the time I went back in there.’

Minakshi took her time having the lunch- though it was just thyrs  adam- the kind of thing that you could completely down in a few gulps. But there was only so long that she could delay going back in there. Her partner in arms has taken a half day leave and would be itching to leave just about now. .Though she said that she had to go to the hospital- her mother was ailing with something or the other,Minakshi knew that the silly girl was going to go out with her boyfriend. She has told her about him. Her eyes fluttered like a butterfly’s wings and her lips trembled whenever she spoke about him, making Minakshi sure that the girl’s was just bodily reactions and not pure love.

Cursing the girl under her breath, Minakshi went back into the 3 feet by 4 feet room/ counter where she spent the bulk of her work hours. And no sooner had she come in than the girl said she was leaving, offering Minakshi the sweetest- and the thinnest of smiles.

One positive thing that happened with the girl’s leaving was that Minakshi got so busy that she hardly got any time to think about the salesman. However, some half an hour later when there was a slump in the number of people who came to the counter, she began to think about him. Not that she wanted to, just that she couldn’t help it.

But then, there was no associated palpitations with the thought. In fact, considering everything she felt rather calm. The man must have left by now, she was almost sure. Unless he was a super-devotee who couldn’t bear the thought of parting with the Amman so soon, he wouldn’t be hanging around still. And for some reason, she found it hard to think of the man as so devoted a person.

She wished she had seen in which rack the girl had put his footwear. The girl was manning the right half of the counter- that’s how they divided their work, by having people in two separate rows, one on the right and one on the left. Minakshi threw her glance at the rows of racks on the right hand side. Most of the racks had multiple footwear in them, so she could discount those for the man had come on his own. As for the rest- the ones with footwear belonging to just one person, almost all of them bore footwear that men wore. So, maybe it’s that particular pair of black leather shoes which belonged to the man, or maybe the orange and black pair of Nikes, or maybe the earthy coloured sandals that looked sad with wrinkles- no, that can’t be it, she thought.

Even though she got but a single glimpse of the man, she did see that he was dressed neatly though not extravagantly well. Nothing in his appearance has given the impression that he was careless, and the brown wrinkly sandals belonged to someone who was rather careless with his appearance- or someone who was down on his luck.

Her thoughts were running this way when her reverie was broken by the call, “Madam!” Firm and loud- the kind of voice which may belong to someone who has been a salesman, the kind of voice that put the palpitations back in her heart.

And when she looked up, she saw that the amount of time she took to finish the thyr sadam was not nearly enough.

Walking up to the man, she collected the token from him. She tried to do  this by keeping her feace lowered all the time- something which she found to be really awkward. So, she ended up rising and lowering her face in a jerking motion which would have attracted anyone’s attention- even from someone who didn’t know her.

The man’s footwear turned out to be the pair of black leather shoes that she had seen earlier. She congratulated herself on having ascribed a high level of probability that the shoes belonged to the man. But she couldn’t derive any satisfaction from it. For, in order to be satisfied, the heart must beat at a more reasonable rate.

Now, Minaskhi’s younger sister lived in Puducherry. Though younger to her by 10 years, she had already suffered cardiac arrest twice. Minakshi, on the other hand was yet to encounter one- a fact about which she took pride.

But the way her heart went as she walked back bearing the man’s footwear she feared that the encounter might happen sooner rather than later.

‘He may not have recognized me’, she told herself as she handed the footwear back to him. The words were meant to calm herself down but she found that the words didn’t have the desired effect. What made matters worse was the fact that the man remained at the counter just a beat more than was required, eyeing her in a peculiar way.

She almost asked if he wanted anything else- she meant to say that in the most unflattering tone imaginable. But she didn’t have to as he turned away soon enough.

In her years of working as a counter-girl, she has come across many customers who irritated her- mostly by insisting that she tended to them before anyone else, as though they were royalty and the rest plebian which meant that she has had ample opportunities to practice using her non-flattering tone. And it wasn’t something that she particularly enjoyed, after all she would be using such strong tones in just outside the Goddess’ temple!

So she was glad that she didn’t have to use it this time. But she was still worried since she didn’t know whether he recognized her or not.

In her favour was the fact that she hasn’t aged gracefully- her appearance was as different as that between a plum tomato and an overripe one.

For the first time in her life, she thanked god that she doesn’t look anything like her younger self anymore.

But wait, she told herself, so what if the man has recognized me? It’s not like he was going to come into my home and say what transpired between us all those years ago. What could he benefit from that?

There was a time when I used to worry that he might turn up at my home one fine day when I least expected and turn my entire world upside down. But those days were long gone. Now, we are both old people- him, more than me. And like me, he would also have a family….

Her thoughts ran throughout the time she was handling footwear, footwear that belonged to people she didn’t know, utter strangers. And she wondered if at a different age, would she have slept with any one of them?

No, no , no, that was a mistake that I made once. Just once! She screamed inside, praying to Amman to relieve her from this distress. She would donate ten coconuts if the Amman would do that.

But come evening when it was time to leave for home, the distress still remained. Amman didn’t seem to be in dire need of coconuts.

**

That night, Minakshi had another restless sleep.

Rajesh had come back after attending his friend’s bachelor’s party, so she wasn’t particularly worried about robbers barging in- having a child like faith that if there is a man in the house, such things wouldn’t arise.

But there were other worries, worries and guilt pangs which she wouldn’t dare discuss with anyone- particularly not with her son.

**

The thing with the human mind is that one cannot say with absolute certainty in which direction it would travel. The prediction couldn’t be made with precision even regarding the near future.

In Minakshi’s case she had thought that she would be all the more worried on the day after a certain man’s appearance at her counter. Only, to her surprise, she found that she felt considerably calmer compared to the previous day, she was even able to enjoy some music before stepping out to work- she sometimes left the television on while she worked in the kitchen during the mornings.

In the wee hours of the morning, she has been able to convince herself that the man wouldn’t in fact do anything as rash as confronting her or her family- after all, he just happened to see her when he came to see the Amman. Another fact was that he probably didn’t even recognize her.

So, there was absolutely nothing to worry about. She was convinced.

As for the box of guilty feelings that his appearance opened in her mind, she has been a faithful mother and husband for long decades- regretting the one mistake that she made throughout all this time. If anything could atone for her sin, she thought that should do the trick.

The relaxed frame of mind persisted throughout the day. The slight (irrational) animosity that she felt towards the customers the other day for keeping asking her to take care of their footwear, as though she were fit for nothing else but that also disappeared. In fact, she served the customers with a positive mindset, reminding herself that the customers were in fact devotees and she was doing a service to the goddess by having the sand under the soles spill in this counter rather than within the temple premises.

That evening she walked back home with an even greater peace which was brought on by the fact that by the time she got home, her husband would be there. She could enjoy the heat of his chest tonight-feel comfortably cocooned in that very special warmth.

Madurai’s streets bustle with life more during the evenings than in the daytime-even during the holidays. The heat of the day could be quite merciless in the city where millions come seeking the goddess’ mercy. So the populace wait till the sun approaches the horizon so that they could get out and buy their carrots and potatoes and eggs and clothes and juice and whatnot.

Walking through the alleyways to her home that was some 20 minutes away from the temple, Minakshi only saw the throng of people as a reflection of the crowd that the temple attracted. Whereas the temple was Amman’s home, the city was a radiation of Amman’s energy, animating its people, helping them build establishments and institutions that stand for the good of man.

And she- Minakshi was just so happy to be reveling in the energy which perennially radiated out of her namesake goddess.

Such religious thoughts were running through her mind when she stopped at a small grocery store. Among the things placed on the shops verandah for sale- baskets of incense sticks and lemons and towels, was a bunch of husked coconuts.

She thought she could use a couple of them for the theeyal that she was going to prepare for her husband tonight- Kumaran just loved the theeyal that she made. An extra grating of coconuts would only add to the magic.

She saw the man coming towards her out of the corner of her eye when as she putting the coconuts in the plastic cover-which also contained her empty tiffin box.

She looked up at him. She didn’t feel surprise. She didn’t feel anything.

“Did you follow me?”

The man nodded, smiled as though he did something that could be acknowledged as cute.

“If you don’t mind, can we talk for a little while?” he said. Seeing her hesitation, he added, “Of course, we are old. And running in to you at the temple was a pure accident. In fact, I thought I shouldn’t speak with you but then…something made me change my mind. So, I went back to the counter today. Only, when I got there you were leaving. And so I followed you…”

More than his words it was his tone of voice which made Minakshi consider his request. He wasn’t pleading but there was a certain earnestness in his voice- a special quality which made it feel like he was talking to an old friend.

**

The restaurant that he suggested was run by a friend of Kumaran’s, so Minakshi recommended another one, a little farther from  the temple. It was only half filled and the lighting was dim- she found it comfortable to be talking with him in this place.

“It’s the mark on your cheek that made me realize who you were.”

At the man’s words Minakshi ran a finger across the black mole on her right upper cheek.

“Of course, I never forgot your face..But over the years, it has changed, so one couldn’t recognize it as easily as one might think.”

Minaskhi nodded. She could agree with that.

“Why do you say that you never forgot my face?”

“You mean why I should remember your face from all the flings that I had during my years as a travelling salesman?” the man smiled, even appeared jovial as though what they were actually discussing was the various exploits of Donald duck in an old Disney cartoon. “It’s simple, actually. It was the only time that a rubber has broke on me,” he added in a lowered voice.

Minakshi almost choked on her vada. The casual manner in which he spoke about such a thing was in sharp contrast to the neatly pressed plaid shirts and khaki pants that he wore- in fact, he  looked so spic n’ span that had anyone given an encyclopedia to him, he would have looked just like a salesman.

“You okay?”

She nodded, unsure what to say.

After a few moments she did find something to say: “You said you didn’t think of talking to me at first. But something changed you mind.What was it?” She eyed the clock on the wall. She would have preferred for this meeting/get-together/conversation/whatever to be over preferably in the previous minute.

As for the man, he took a deep breath. His joviality changed into a grim expression as though he was recalling something horrendous.

Minakshi wondered if it was a ploy for him to earn some sympathy- by telling her about some sob story-maybe his mother has passed away, and out of sympathy she would be urged to sleep with him.

‘But, of course that can’t be. We are old people, ‘she thought . ‘I am an old woman past her menopause and living with her husband and son for whom she hopes to find a good girl soon, very soon.’

As it turned out, what the man had to say was indeed a sob story:

“I was diagnosed with cancer recently. Just a couple of months ago, in fact. That’s why I thought of coming to see Amman- to ask for her blessings. My parents used to come here as part of their annual pilgrimage every year. As a kid, I used to come along but as I got older, the lesser I believed in the gods and goddesses.” Smiling softly he continued, “I have not been to this temple in more than 10 years.”

He looked at her, there was a twinkle of a smile in his eyes even though he wasn’t talking about happy things.

“But now I am,” he now spoke in a voice barely over a whisper. “Now I am here, come to meet the Amman. And I got a nice surprise when I ran into you..The doctors say that there is a fifty-fifty chance that I will survive. They have diagnosed the cancer at its earliest stage..so they have asked me to keep hope. And it’s for hope that I have turned to the goddess, who is also a link to my parents who were her earnest devotees.” Seeing the look of enquiry on her face, he added “Both my parents are no more.”

“And your wife?” she said hesitantly.

The man smiled sadly. “I was married once. It lasted for about three years. Three years before she realized that not every day that I said I was away at work was I away at work.” He looked at her meaningfully.

Lowering her face, she nodded. Yes, she understood how that could be.

Leaning back in the chair, his cup of filter coffee sitting half-forgotten on the table, he said whimsically, “I don’t think I would regret the life that I have had. I mean, I have been to many places, had my fair share of women-more than most men could ever hope for, and though I have never been rich, I can proudly say that poverty has never touched me. So, even if my life ends soon, I would die a happy man. But as with any human being, I also yearn for that chance- the possibility to prolong life for one more day, if god or fate or whatever is in charge would grant me .”

After a long pause in which both of them remained silent(she because she truly didn’t know what to say, he because he was collecting his thoughts), he said, “These are the things that are in my mind. And I thought, I thought it would be a good idea to tell someone all these things. Someone I know, even if it’s someone I had known only for a day so long ago that it feels like another life.” He smiled weakly.

Minakshi wondered how lonely the man actually was in life to tell the deepest thoughts in his mind to her. She also wondered if, like she had thought before it was all a ploy to gain sympathy. Maybe he was a pervert who in his old age went for old women. And this story about cancer and everything that he was giving her was part of the ploy. Or maybe he was in earnest.

The bottomline was that she didn’t know.

‘Just like I don’t know for sure who the father of my child is!’ The thought struck her like a spear though the heart.

“Anyway, enough about me. What about you? How are you and your family?”

Minakshi hardly heard the man’s words. The idea of not knowing the parentage of her son was a sore thought that kept reverberating in her brain- harassing her with each iteration.

“I must go now,” she said eventually. “I have some things to do at home.”

Though the man was visibly saddened by this, he nodded. “Yes, but before you leave, I would like to know one thing.”

“Yes?”

“What is your name?”

But when Minkashi told him, he started laughing, and kept at it as though he didn’t want to stop. Finally, when he was able to catch his breath, he said, “So, I came here to see Minakshi and found two. I guess I am truly blessed!”

Minakshi gave him a proprietary smile before she got up, ready to leave.

“I don’t know what the chances are that we will meet again,” said the man. “So, let me say this too- I hope that you don’t hold anything against me for taking advantage of you like that- on that day.”

This time she didn’t blush about the upfront manner in which he spoke. By this point, she has come to take it in its stride.

“It was a mistake,” she said without flinching.

It was only after she walked out of the restaurant that she realized that she forgot to ask the man’s name.

**

The next day being a Monday, there were lesser number of visitors to the temple than on the day before. But still, there was enough inflow of people to keep Minakshi and the other girl at the footwear counter on their toes, literally.

In fact, Minakshi had thought about taking a day off. She is allowed one leave per month and she is yet to take that leave for this month that was fast coming to an end.

However, Kumaran was at home today and she wasn’t too sure if she stayed at home as well, if he would see something in her eyes that told him that something may be wrong.

The problem was that she was still upset by her encounter with the man from the past. The meeting made the question of her son’s parentage a persistent ask in her mind, making her cringe with  embarrassment every time it arose in her mind.

It’s been so many years, she thought but it’s not the kind of question that was jusy going to vanish with time.

In such a frame of mind, she wasn’t sure about the kind of expressions that would be reflected on her face, and like with any marriage that had lasted this long, theirs too was one in which one partner was extremely adept at reading the other’s expressions and gestures- even the minutest ones, even the ones that had a subconscious root.

No, she wasn’t confident if she could hide her feelings from Kumaran if she were to spend the day at home. By evening she would be weary from work and any sign of lethargy could be attributed to the pressure of work. And that gave her a reason she could point to in case Kumaran asked.

Having come to work against her earnest wishes, she felt irritated though. Irritated at the way the people came and presented their footwear to her like they were some sort of grotesque presents, presents fit for the least respected in society- like the ones who didn’t know who their kid’s father was.

And they would come back and take away the presents, by presenting a token, as though saying, “On second thoughts, I think you are not fit for even such a present.! “

Such thoughts harassed her throughout the day and it was all she could do to keep herself from erupting in anger when a young man- not more than 25 years old began calling out ‘Madam!” insistently, like a child demanding milk. The other girl had gone for lunch and Minakshi was managing the counter on her own.

The young man kept calling out in a loud voice as though he had more right to the service than anyone else. Minakshi felt really irritated. For one thing, she has always felt that the young people of today were a little too demanding in everything, as though they were the rulers and everyone else slaves.

Another thing was that this was so not the day for anything like that- not when she was already feeling under the weather, and not just any random sort of weather but an all out storm.

So she used whatever professional powers she had as a counter-girl to make the young man feel uncomfortable. In other words, she ignored him for as long as she could, serving the customers who came after him, pretending that the his loud voice was out of her aural radar. She kept at it for about 10 minutes after which she walked up to the young chap- who by now had stopped calling after her and collected the token from him.

As a final act of harassment, she walked to the rack and standing right in front of the one with the number on the token, pretended as though she was unable to find the right one. This made the young man call out to her again, this time saying, “It’s the one immediately to your left. No, not that one, the one above that!”

She maintained her pretension for another few seconds before she picked the right pair of shoes and walked to the young man. Immediately after serving him, she moved to the next customer. The faint smile on her face could only have been discerned from close quarters.

**

That evening when she was walking back home Minakshi felt that her mind was a like the mangy dog that was lying on the curb, there, just beside the juice stall. It’s so tired that it could hardly stand up, let alone walk and it’s festered with god knows how many worms.

Her mind too was fatigued, and ugly thoughts about herself- the central theme being she was a harlot- festered there like squiggly worms. And Like how one might wish upon seeing an ugly-ass dog on the curb how it would be better off dead than alive, Minakshi wished that her mind too would simply die. That’s the only way the thought about Rajesh’ parentage would stop pestering her, she didn’t see any other way.

But as she passed by the restaurant where she had the quick chat with the salesman-whose-name-she never-knew yesterday, the thought came on even stronger in her mind.

She tried to distract herself, trying to think of a scenario in which she had felt strong and in control. She didn’t have to think long. The memory of harassing that young customer this afternoon- the one whom she kept waiting for so long flooded her mind.

But contrary to her expectations she was unable to derive any satisfaction from the memory.

None among the bustling crowd in that alleyway of the glorious city of Madurai saw the tears which began spouting from the aging woman’s eyes.